Too Much Story World?...Unemployment Check In...My Purpose In Life

These days I drift along in my story world, allowing myself full rein of my imagination. I spend all my time either writing, agonizing that I'm not writing, and/or thinking and feeling stories and characters. On Monday, I told myself I would only spend 2-3 hours tops writing before I turned my attention to something else. I wrote for 10 hours without stopping. I don't even know how I did it. I didn't think I was taking that much time but I started around 4:00 pm, looked at the clock and it was 7:30 pm, then it was 11:30 pm, then those last two and half hours of strange magical time, then I checked the clock and it was close to 2:00 am and realized I have to walk the dog and go to sleep.

My characters hang around me in groups, visit me in dreams, flood my fantasies. It's a scary place to be sometimes. I've been wondering if I'm letting myself get pulled too far into my inner life. It's been a long time since I've let myself really inhabit this place.

***

There's always a barrier. Some fine line. The main barrier is I only give myself full rein when I'm physically writing about my characters or story. The rest of the time stories and characters drift in and out on the surface of my conscious mind but the real meat happens below the surface. This is partly how my "muse" operates and part defense mechanism. I have this secret fear that if I leap full on into my inner life during waking hours (and I'm not filtering it through the physical act of writing) I'll never come back out.

Sometimes I wonder about that too. If my brain chemistry does a radical shift and I lose my mind at least I know where I'll end up and who I'll be talking to (so will you). Gryphon and Mock Turtle are always together. If we're not together then I'm certain I'll go looking for him. Lately, I've been seeing this imaginary world, the story world, and my characters as a kind of afterlife too. No one knows what happens when we die. I have as good a chance of ending up in my story world as I have of going to Heaven or Hell after I die. I mean, why not?

***

I'm so broke. I have financial help, thank God, but even with it the beginning of the month was pretty scary. As it is, I've got no money for the next week or so. Still, having no money for a week is a better situation than some people. I'd be all right if I didn't have to pay full price for my health insurance. It's a hazard of being unemployed.

I'm still surprisingly relaxed about not having a job. In a month or two things will be tougher if this continues but I keep thinking that I don't want to go back to the 9-5 grind. I like having all this extra time. I wonder if I can figure out a way to earn a living without having to go back to that. Food for thought.

***

I've been concerned about my reluctance to share my stuff with people, as I've noted in previous posts. I have yet to show anybody even portions of my novel after working on it for so long. I tell myself I'm not ready. I tell myself people don't deserve it. I tell myself it's not fit for sharing. I think this is the reason I've been putting off working on the next draft. When I'm done with it, the novel will more or less be a cohesive whole and ready for someone else to read and comment on. The thought of getting to that point makes my stomach drop.

It's an odd paradox because I've figured out my purpose in life. It might even be considered almost a divine purpose. More on that in a moment. My purpose in life is to tell stories. Not much of a stretch, I know. My job is to tell people stories and to do that I need to hone my storytelling skills and get those stories out there. My stories are needed in this world.

Needed in this world. Know what that means? It means I can't just write my stories down and hide them in a password protected file on my desktop so no one can find them. It means I can't spend years working on a story and never show it to anyone. As for the divine part, I only came to this conclusion because many times when I'm writing, amazing stuff happens to my plot, characterizations, etc. I'm always surprised and delighted and I don't know where this stuff comes from. Sometimes it feels like it's coming through me from somewhere, that I'm merely a conduit for something greater than myself. Sounds hokey but that's how it feels.

People go on spiritual quests, read self-help books (I've done my share), and take seminars to discover their purpose in life. I guess I should feel lucky that I've found it.

Altered Self-Portraits

This is from a couple of months ago but I only recently altered the color. I was going to use it as my profile picture but picked the other picture instead.

I took this one at the beach in Santa Cruz, CA when it was 90 degrees a couple of a days ago.

Also taken in Santa Cruz a couple of days ago. Initially, I didn't like this picture but I've found that weird pictures of me where the light is off or the angle is strange lends the picture to some interesting color effects.

Writing Life: Tips For Beginning Writers (Part 5 of 5) - Putting Yourself Out There

Ah yes, putting yourself out there. This is the single most difficult thing for me to do.

I don't like sharing myself and my writing. In fact, sometimes I think I'll never share my writing with anybody. I'll just keep writing my stories down and then put them away when I'm done, never to be read by anyone but me.

Even sharing this blog is difficult for me. I'm thankful and grateful for my small readership but so many people I know don't even know I keep a blog. If I mention that I do have a blog, it doesn't mean I'm going to give them the link to it. It's not that think this blog is particularly special or "exclusive," it's more that I don't feel comfortable with everyone I know reading it.

This is why posting "FailSafe" on my "Fainting in Coils" blog was such a major deal for me. I actually posted a real story and a personal one at that. These personal stories really plumb the depths of what's going on my head and heart. On top of that, the purpose of these stories is to discover some hidden aspect of myself or figure out what's going on in my life so that makes posting the story even more unlikely. I felt very uncomfortable about it which is why it took so long to get the entire story up but in the end I'm glad I did it.

One of the organizers of my writing group keeps mentioning that I should attend our group's critiquing sessions. This is where two to three works are read out loud and then the writer asks for feedback. I decided at the last minute to attend yesterday's session. I thought it wouldn't hurt and it would be a good first step to putting myself out there. I didn't read, of course, because I can't bring myself to do that yet but I did love the process and interaction with the others as we gave both authors feedback on their stories. I also learned that I know a lot about the architecture of stories and the process of creating meaningful characters and compelling situations. This was a very gratifying experience.

I spoke to the organizer about it with one of the readers and he pointed out that reading your own work is terrifying because it opens you up and makes you vulnerable but he assured us that every writer goes through that. He said the process was absolutely necessary to becoming a better writer, and he encouraged me to bring something to read next time.

The reader said she didn't like reading her stuff, she feels really awkward while doing it. I explained to both of them that I love reading out loud. I read my own blog posts out loud, parts of my novels and short stories because I love hearing my words spoken. It's probably the most gratifying thing for me after watching the story unfold and surprise me. Sometimes I'll open up a scene or two and just sit here, usually after midnight and when I should be in bed, reading my own stuff out loud. It's a lovely, lovely thing.

Sigh. I guess this means I really need to read my stuff to others and get some feedback, right? When I do that I'll post what that was like here.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed these posts. They were really a way for me to organize my thoughts about writing and to make note of my progress so far.

Writing Life: Tips For Beginning Writers (Part 4 of 5) - Fuel

This next part is about feeding your creative soul. While I probably take this to an extreme simply because I have the time and resources to do so incorporating some variation of these ideas into your life can't hurt.

In my mind feeding your creativity is one of the most important things you can do if you're creating any kind of art. I believe most creative people practice some variation of these ideas and don't really need this post but I'll write it down anyway. For me, "Fuel" is divided into three parts: Balance, Variation, and Openness.

BALANCE

This is a major struggle for me because when I have some free time all I want to do is write and to hell with everything else. First and foremost, the usual edicts of good health apply with eating right, exercise, and getting enough sleep being at the top of the list. Exercise in particular is really important because I spend so much time in my head that I need to spend time in my body to balance things out. Also, helpful for me is relaxing at the spa. Some level of meditation would probably help too but I'm still trying to get my workouts in so I'll think about that later. Lack of sleep is fact of life for me because I'm a night person and want to stay up late when I get going on my writing. If I have to get up early, I usually rely on caffeine to get me going. This is not a good habit and expensive to boot. Clearly I need to work on this aspect of fuel.

Balance is also a struggle for me as I try to stop seeing everything in terms of stories. Sometimes I need to take a break from all the characters and stories rolling around in my head. The best way for me to do that is to take get outside and try to stay in the moment. Walking around my neighborhood and just looking at everything is good. Also, doing mundane tasks while staying in the moment is helpful too. Damn, this is starting to sound a little like "Chop Water, Carry Wood."

VARIATION

Variation is easier for me. I use movies, books, ideas I find (usually on the web), art, and my wonderful city as fuel for my creativity. Variation is also about finding and spending time with other interests, ideas, and viewpoints as a way to fuel your creativity. This could be anything. Whether you love music, plants, sewing, surfing, woodworking, working on your motorcycle, whatever, it helps to have one or two other interests that take you away from writing for a while. Variation helps you see things a bit differently and gives you fresh ideas.

OPENNESS

Openness is about trying completely different routines, ideas, and seeking out other viewpoints. This could be reading a conservative magazine if you're a liberal or vice versa, learning about a completely different area of interest or culture other than you're own, as well as incorporating changes in your daily life. This could be something as simple as varying your commute sometimes or seeking out people whose lives are different from yours. Travel is a great way to foster openness because it teaches you there are other legitimate ways of living that are different from your own.

I had an interesting conversation with someone recently about the nature of addiction. She was describing how overcoming an addiction is like having your soul mate die, and how part of the process requires breaking your heart because that's what your addiction becomes to you. I'd never thought about, much experienced, such an idea, and found our conversation fascinating and not a little wrenching. This is a viewpoint that never occurred to me and she did a beautiful job explaining it to me. It made me realize that I really am locked inside my physical body and mind, and there are experiences and ways of looking at the world that are completely different from mine. Seeking out this information, looking for it while interacting with others definitely qualifies as fuel.

SEPARATION

I have to write about this idea here because it's something that has been ingrained my head. Years ago before I started working in the law I worked at a children's museum and we were getting it ready for opening. It was an exciting time. The exhibit developers were coming up with all manner of interesting interactive exhibits, ideas were thrown around, arguments made, and the stress of the approaching opening hung over our heads. We spent an enormous amount of time discussing what the term "interactive" means and how best to execute that idea in the museum and with the exhibits. One of the benchmarks of whether we had succeeded in getting people to interact was when the parents stopped filming and taking pictures of their kids playing with the exhibits and starting interacting with the children and the exhibit. We all agreed that being behind the camera and watching your kid was a way to distance yourself. You aren't really even an observer at that point, you just become a recorder of experiences instead of having an experience yourself.

In a way, I see my viewpoint about stories and characters as a similar kind of separation. Often, such as when I had this wonderful conversation with my friend about addiction, the first thing that occurs to me is "I can use that idea for a story!" People, situations, conversations, everything becomes fodder for the story. This idea probably would have never occurred to me had I not spent so many hours with my good friends discussing what it meant to "interact" and have and "experience" and how to enable our visitors to see those experiences as "meaningful."

I sometimes worry that I'm spending way too much time in "story-mode" and wonder if being there is creating distance between myself and the world at large. I don't know if others experience these concerns but it's been on my mind lately. This is also a balancing challenge for me. "Story-mode" is a wonderful place to be. It took me so long to develop the habit of being in "story-mode" and now that I'm there I'm loathe to try to change it. I do notice, though, that it can be a bit much and sometimes it's difficult to turn it off. The next step for me is to learn how to find good balance so I don't feel so uncomfortable during those times.

Next Post: Putting Yourself Out there.

Writing Life: My Own Baggage

The night before last I couldn't sleep. I can't remember what I was thinking about but I know I wasn't worried about not having a job. Sometime in the night I started thinking of my three exs. I've been hanging on to these men because of what they represented not because I missed them or had regrets about not seeing them anymore. Frankly if I never saw any of them again it would be a wonderful thing. What these men represented to me was three-fold: permission, support, and inspiration. This all has to do with writing, of course.

As most of you know I've been wanting to write since I was a child but I only started working regularly in the last seven years or so. Part of the reason I waited so long is I held this belief that I couldn't be a real writer without being in a relationship that nurtured me as one.

I'm going to pause right now because this is huge. I'd always been somewhat aware that I held this belief but it's impossible to overstate the impact this belief has had on my life.

[pause....]

Okay, I'm back and feeling, well, a lot of things but I'm going to plow ahead with this post. I started out believing I had to be with someone who was creative, who had a lot of interests, and who would encourage me to write and support me in all those endeavors. This person would have to have his own creative outlets. I had this belief that we would merge together, become more than the sum of our parts, and together we would be unstoppable.

The primary reason I fell in love with my ex-husband is because he actually encouraged this belief. He would articulate it regularly and talk about how we would work on writing together. He is a good writer but I can safely say that I'm a much better writer, by my standards, than he will ever be. His sentences might be prettier but the man chokes when it comes to telling stories. I drafted my first novel, a young adult story of about 150 pages, when I was with him. I did it simply because I wanted to see if I could. I finished it in three months, and it was a real story with beginning, middle, end, plot twists, character development, and surprise after surprise. Three months of difficult work because at the time I had no concept of the idea of endurance. When I was done I asked him to read it. He said he would, he never did. He was jealous that I had managed to complete this draft, and he was angry about it. I was looking for support from him and never got it. Writing while I was with him was tremendously difficult but I managed to do some of it anyway.

The second ex had so much going for him. I was enthralled with who he was and what he'd done. I actually wanted to be like him because I found him so fascinating. I longed for his acknowledgment and encouragement. The breakup was very painful and drawn out. The reason? I felt that in order to progress with my writing I needed him to give me permission to write so I was holding on to him as tightly as possible. Ugh. I know. That's bad but I can say he started me on the current course with my writing, gave me those initial pushes. Now I know that's all he did.

The third guy was artistic, tormented, and lived in a beautiful house with amazing murals on the walls that he'd painted himself. I thought I could provide him with some grounding and he could provide me with inspiration. Never happened. We spent six weeks together at most and I'm sure he's forgotten about me by now. The relationship only stands out in my mind because of these misguided hopes I'd placed on him.

At least I can be honest about my misguided hopes as childish as they are.

While sitting in the dark in my room listening to my dog snore next to my bed, I realized I've come to define myself as a real writer with a body of work. People I know think of me as a writer. I'm firmly on that road now and have been for a few years. I've had help from plenty of friends, family, my writing group, you good folks who read my blog, etc.

And I did all of that by myself, without a significant other to give me permission, support, and inspiration. Instead, I figured out how to find all three of these things on my own. I sat in the dark and I said out loud, "I did everything without you. I don't need you anymore. I'm a WRITER and I got here without YOU!"

I can't put the blame on these guys. All that baggage I placed on them was coming from me and my fears but it took me this long to figure it out. I feel so far ahead of these guys now. Though I was still holding on to them, I could look behind me and see they were fading in the distance. Now I'm not looking back for them at all. I feel light and even more relaxed than before. The weight is gone. Ahead is the promise of more stories and more characters. I've proved to myself that I can supply the elements necessary to make those things happen, I don't need to insist that someone else give them to me. It's been a tough, years long lesson but I'm grateful for it anyway.

Thanks for reading.

Ego-Driven Weird Note

*Note: I first wrote and posted this on FaceBook, hence the references about locations.*

It's a skewered, burnt toast of a day with only 34 minutes left. I heard the sounds of some screaming kid outside a few minutes ago but all I could think of was, rather uncharitably, isn't it way past that little guy's bedtime? I should be more compassionate but I'm held prisoner by my own self-centered love-ins so there's no helping me. Now I just embrace the fact that I'm impossibly self-absorbed, completely in love with my own words and thoughts. And the rampant ego that passes for my humanity just keeps clicking along fooling some of the people some of the time, but definitely fooling me all the time.

This must be a new phase in my life. Or maybe just a continuation of the same.

Yesterday I couldn't find my copy of "Naked Lunch" so I settled for reading the first few pages on amazon.com's "LOOK INSIDE!" feature. Burroughs always was a cheeky guy. There's never been enough New York City for him, that much is true. After reading the first few pages I amused myself by reading one star reviews of the book but that got tiring after while in much the same way staring at the bathroom faucet while waiting for it to turn itself on gets tiring.

Last night, I watched my $5.95 used version of "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence," a sequel to the groundbreaking anime film "Ghost in the Shell." I can safely say GITS 2 is the most beautiful film I've ever seen in a glittery, enameled, bejeweled way complete with semi-automatic weapons. It's also slow in parts, much to the chagrin to folks with short attention spans, but better yet to admire all that animated beauty. It's also rife with philosophical quotes, she said rubbing her hands with glee. Oh and the plot is incomprehensible too but only in the same way that "Inception" was incomprehensible. That is, a head scratcher for some movie critics but most of folks didn't seem to have a problem following the story. At least I don't think so.

Locations. Does FB now tell everyone where I'm at? I'm still trying to figure out what that's about. Normally I wouldn't be concerned but my phone is the sassy, sexy equivalent of implanting a chip inside my head so my whereabouts can be determined. (Heh. All my former co-workers: remember when I used to joke that we needed to implant location chips inside the attorneys' heads so we could find them when we needed them? No, you don't remember me saying that? I must have dreamed it.)

Far be it for me to project people's attitudes and knowledge on this poor Note. Forgive me. I have no idea if you even saw "Inception," even know what "Naked Lunch" is, and more likely, have no idea what "Ghost in the Shell" is. I should just stick to the usual, boring crap that permeates my life. Wait!...There is no boring crap in my life! How lucky is that...?!

Back On The Market

Yep, I'm out of a job again.

It's so ironic. The last time I went to Europe I lost my job right after I returned and the same thing happened this time around too. This time I'm determined to use the time off more productively. I'm also determined to enjoy myself more. It took me 6.5 months to find my last job and it could take longer to find the next one though so far all indications are that this isn't the case. We'll see. I'm still going to diligently search for a job but I've learned that finding a job in this economy is about being in the right place at the right time. You still have to work at it and get yourself out there so you can be in the right position when the opportunity comes but it's not going to happen until it happens so why stress?

Of course, I'm thinking of the usual things such as downsizing and wondering if I should do something else with my life. I'll be pondering that stuff like everyone does when they lose their jobs.

Most importantly, however, I'll be doing a whole hell of a lot of writing. Yippee! I'm so looking forward to all this extra time to work on my novel and short stories. Yay!

Thanks for reading and wish me luck.

2010 Europe Trip: San Francisco vs. Amsterdam

While visiting Amsterdam I enjoyed speaking to some of the locals. The first thing everybody asks if you tell them you're from San Francisco is whether you really live in the city. When I tell them that, yes, I live and work in San Francisco they are always impressed. I'm not sure why that is.

Inevitably, the person mentions that San Francisco is a lot like Amsterdam in that the city is an open, liberal place. It's true that San Francisco is probably the most open, liberal city in the U.S. but make no mistake San Francisco is not like Amsterdam.

San Francisco is part of a society whose values are based on Puritanism. Like it or not, Puritanism is one of the foundations on which the U.S. was built. Everything from the infamous Puritan work ethic that only gives us 2 weeks of vacation a year to our closed-minded view of pleasure and sexuality (and our rebellions against those views) permeate our daily society. Most Americans don't seem to realize how incredibly uptight we are.

I had a conversation with a couple of people when I returned and they insisted that San Francisco is as opened minded as Amsterdam. One of them pointed out that people smoke pot on the street in San Francisco all the time and those people never get arrested. I have no idea if this is true but it's completely beside the point. The fact is, there are no "coffee shops" in San Francisco where you can walk in and choose from a whole menu of pot and hash to smoke. These coffee shops feature early morning hours, food and drink, some have pool tables and other minor entertainments, and all of them offer free WiFi. Lastly, there are no girls in the window. There's no city designated Red Light District here in San Francisco.

Is this a good thing? That there are no "coffee shops" in San Francisco and no legalized version of the Red Light District? Maybe, maybe not, but I'm pretty certain that such things will never be made legal here.

2010 Europe Trip: Amsterdam - The Red Light District

De Wallen, or the world famous Red Light District in Amsterdam was a must-see place on my list. I was having difficulty finding it until we floated through the District on my canal cruise. The boat captain pointed out the Oude Kerk (Old Church) as we went by and I was able to find the location from there.

De Wallen is located in the oldest part of the city, the historic center, and is the best-known red light district in Amsterdam. As you can see on the map below it's not far from the train station.

The area within the red circle is generally where De Wallen is located. Walking one long block from Dam Plaza (Square) down the narrow alleyway next to the Grand Hotel Krasnapolsky and then turning left will get you to the bottom of the District. The area is a network of alleys, streets, and canals.

The view of Dam Plaza (Square) at a cafe next to the Grand Hotel Krasnapolsky narrow alley. The alley is about 10 feet to the right. You can also take the major street to the left (Damstraat). Make a left when you get to the street and take another left when you reach the end of the long block.

Prostitution is legal in the Netherlands with the exception of street prostitution. Prostitutes rent tiny rooms with glass windows or doors (typically illuminated with red lights) lining the alleys and streets and offer sexual services.

I was hesitant to go alone since I read that while the District was safe in general, a woman should never go there by herself. I went anyway and didn't encounter any problems, though I wouldn't be surprised if a young woman walking around by herself was subjected to harassment. First off, there were so many people walking around and gawking that I felt safe. There were people of all ages, ethnicities, nationalities, etc. There were groups of men and women, couples of all ages (from the very old to the very young), groups of men, groups of women, tour groups walking the streets and on boats, there was a heavy police presence (both men and women), and even the garbage collectors were out in force. Also, there were the bouncers in front of the sex clubs and if things got really alarming there were the bouncers who watch over the girls themselves.

The District full of bars, restaurants, sex clubs, sex/souvenir shops, cafes, and coffee shops. Coffee shops are where it's legal to buy and smoke hash and pot. People who weren't walking around were sitting outside having a drink or sitting inside and smoking.

I was there on a Wednesday evening and it was plenty crowded. I couldn't help but wonder what the place is like on the weekend and/or during a special event or holiday. It must be a madhouse. I started around 5:30 pm and spent time wandering the streets, gawking at the girls like everyone else, and taking pictures. It was too light out and I didn't get the good night shots until much later. I went back to Dam Square and sat at a cafe where this old Irish businessman kept hitting on me. Afterwards, I walked around near the university and stopped in a couple bookstores before walking back to the District a couple of hours later. I was waiting for it to get dark enough to take some pictures. Really, that's all I was doing.

De Wallen at around 5:45 pm. This was the only time it wasn't wall-to-wall people though all the surrounding outdoor cafes and bars were full of folks.

I haven't mentioned the girls themselves yet. Several people asked me if they were naked. The answer is no but they weren't wearing much. Most were wearing lingerie, though some were had on very skimpy swim suits. The girl wearing the most clothes was a young blond woman dressed in an indecent version of a school girl outfit. The girls were of all ages, races, and body types though most of them were young and slender. There were some chubby girls and some older ones too. All of them were beautiful.

One of the many alleys in the district. The windows with the red lights are where the girls are standing.

I didn't take pictures of the girls. Apparently, it's considered bad etiquette to do so. The girls hate having their picture taken and more importantly, the bouncers don't like it. There are stories of people's cameras being thrown into the canal.

Most everyone wandering around the District, including me, were mere gawkers or "window shoppers." We just wanted to what the District was like. Since I was waiting for it to get darker I spent a lot of time walking the alleys and streets in the area. During the first couple of turns the girls smiled but did little else. While I strolled I observed how transactions were negotiated. If you smile at a girl, she'll open the glass door but just a little. The next step is the guy pushes the door open and steps inside but not all the way. The guy remains in the doorway and negotiations for services start. You can tell when the negotiations are nearing their conclusion because the guy has stepped inside the room and closed the door. I read that prices for services start as low as 50 euros but I have no idea if that's true.

Another alley. Right down the street from here is the Oude Kerk (Old Church). There's a semi-circle of windows with girls that surround the church. Very strange.

I got tired of wandering and spent time standing on bridge in the 5:45 pm picture above. A couple of cops were standing next to me, many young couples walked by and asked me to take their picture with the red lights in the background even if it wasn't dark enough. I noticed there were a few lone men who were not looking at the girls, they were hanging around in conspicuous areas like the bridge I was on. I assumed they were drug dealers.

Drug dealing and human trafficking are a fact of life in the District and in Amsterdam, not surprising. The city has taken steps to clean things up in the last couple of years. These realities counter the cheery image the District puts up. I wasn't scared, though. In fact, I was completely relaxed and feeling very self-confident.

I spent some time in the alleys near the Nieuwmarkt (you can see it written in blue on my map above) which is a huge square surrounded by cafes and restaurants. The Nieuwmarkt is not considered part of De Wallen and is on the edge of the District. There were more restaurants and cafes in alleys. A suave, well dressed older man stopped me and tried to get me to go out with him. I gracefully declined. I'd seen him a couple of times earlier that evening standing outside his restaurant.

I realized quickly that while there were a lot of ordinary people walking around, someone like me, an older woman by herself, really stands out. After the first few turns through the alleys the girls started assuming I was doing more than window shopping and began flirting heavily with me. As I strolled past they would crack open the doors and beckon me to come inside. When I've mentioned this to several people, they were shocked but they shouldn't have been. Women have money too and obviously there are some who buy these girls' services.

The view from the same bridge looking in the other direction. You can see one of the main sex clubs on the left there.

A little later I was on the same bridge and an adorable young man, probably no more than 19 or 20, approached me. He was sweet and did a good job chatting me up. He said he worked at the hotel around the corner, had just gotten off work, and wanted to take me there for drink. I politely declined but I still enjoyed speaking with him. It must be tough being a male prostitute in that town unless you cater to other men. The girls get all the attention and I'm sure he or whoever had seen me walking back and forth all evening. I couldn't blame him for trying.

The District at 10:15 pm right after the street lights were turned on.

I finally got the picture I was looking for. I'd waited all evening. It seemed kind of silly to wait that long but since it was my last night in Amsterdam, I didn't care.

Writing Life: Tips For Beginning Writers (Part 3 of 5) - Learning

I went on about the importance of experimentation during my last post. And I've talked about learning from reading all the time. I've read many books on writing but have not fully immersed myself in one for a long time (such as diligently doing the exercises, etc.). I think doing such work is very worthwhile but I find myself just wanting to write rather than take the time to work on learning how to write. It's the same attitude I have about writing practice: worthwhile but I'd rather be spending time on my WIP. Still, I've been telling myself lately that I really do need to go through one of my many books to see if I can make my writing better.

I've only taken one class on writing. It was at City College here in SF and it was an okay class. The most valuable thing I got out of it was I wrote a short story and read it out loud in class, something I'd never done before. It was surprising and gratifying. Surprising because people were coming up with different ideas and interpretations of the characters and their motives than I ever dreamed up or intended, and gratifying because my story, even though it was written on the fly and only a first draft, had enough depth and emotional complexity to elicit such a response. Other than that, I didn't learn anything new about writing at all. Out of all the students, I had the most writing experience which I found surprising. The rest of the students had only completed a short story or two at the most. This was probably seven years ago when I first arrived in SF and before I started blogging.

BLOGGING

Speaking of which, I highly recommend people start blogging if you want to attempt to integrate writing into your life. While it's difficult to keep posting regularly, the experience of blogging is very useful for learning about writing in general. I've said it before but it bears repeating: for me, blogging is a completely different animal than writing a short story or novel (even my personal short stories are different from "regular" fiction that I write). To me, a blog post is just straight writing and minimal editing. It's always written with my very small readership in mind even if I write for myself.

Below are the many valuable lessons I've taken away from blogging:

• This is an egotistical thing to say but I love reading my own entries. Blogging has taught me to really love my own writing and to savor the process of coming up with a post, writing, posting, and getting a kick out of it.
• On some level, it seems I've developed my own blogging and writing style. It wasn't intentional and I never thought about it but I've enjoyed the process of developing my "voice" here on Mock Turtle's San Francisco Life.
• This is the first place where I realized that I could move myself and others with something I wrote down. Some of the posts I've written have made me cry and from some of your very kind comments I've seen that I can move other people too.
• Lastly, I love all my characters (Mr. Gryphon) and this crazy, weird multi-verse I've come up with on this blog.

You may not get as much of out blogging as I have but I still think it's worthwhile. One thing almost everyone talks about with blogging is they want comments from people. They want feedback (presumably positive feedback). Blogging is not about feedback. If you get comments then that's fantastic but don't blog just to get feedback because comments tend to be few and far between. I'm very fortunate that I sometimes get comments from you but no one should blog solely to fish for comments.

MFAs

An MFA is a Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing (and other things). From what I can gather, MFA programs are very difficult to get into and tend to be expensive. I'm always eager to talk to anyone who has been through the program and/or majored in Creative Writing in school because I'm curious about what they learned over the course of 4-7 years.

I talked to a young woman who was the roommate of a guy I went out with briefly and she acknowledged that her writing was beautiful but that's all it was. She was in the middle of her MFA program at SF State. She had no body of work as of yet. Part of her class assignment was to draft a novel, something she'd never done before. She was blown away when I told her that I had drafted my second novel and was pondering how to revise it (this was about three years ago) when I'd only taken one (sort of) writing class. She kept saying "but you have a novel! YOU HAVE A NOVEL!" even as I protested that it was unfit for publication and needed serious revisions. I asked her if she thought it would be a good idea to take writing classes, she said, "Not really. I think it's far more instructive for you to keep writing, to keep doing what you're doing."

More recently, I spoke to a guy who had completed an MFA program at a prestigious private college. I asked him what he learned and he said all he learned to do was write sentences. He was working on his first (!) novel and wanted to write a bestseller so he could make a ton of money. I shared some of the tips I've learned about writing bestsellers such as writing down to a high school level, writing short chapters that get shorter as the action progresses, and making sure there's plenty of white space. This doesn't guarantee your novel will become a bestseller; there are PLENTY of great, difficult to read books that make the bestseller list but this is a formula that some people follow (by the way, I'm not following this formula). I explained to the guy, "Think about the folks on MUNI who read during the commute. Most of them probably check to see how long the chapter is before they decide to put it away or keep reading. If the chapter is short they will probably keep going." Unbelievably, he had never heard of such ideas before. I was also surprised that he had never written a novel but maybe you don't write novels during MFA programs. What do I know?

As most of you know, I haven't really been to school. All my writing has been self-taught. It occurs to me on a regular basis that my writing could be so much better if I had gone to school for it but then I stop thinking about that and just concentrate on my WIP. On the other hand, while it is important that I try to keep improving my writing, I don't see myself as someone who will ever write "beautifully" or will ever write "literature." That's something other people do. My job is to tell stories and try to tell them well.

I love my stories and I love my characters but sometimes I worry I don't have the skill or education to pull this off. Whenever I feel this way I just tell myself to keep going. The only way I'm going to know if I can pull it off is to do it. And if I don't pull it off then the process will be instructive anyway.

NaNoWriMo

As you can see on the sidebar there I've participated in the NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month. The NaNoWriMo takes place in November and it challenges you to write 50,000 words in one month. I drafted my current novel during it and will definitely be participating in this year's upcoming NaNoWriMo so I can draft my third novel. Your novel most certainly will fall into the category of "1st Draft" and will likely require plenty of tweaking and rewriting but the experience of participating is invaluable. You may not think you can write 50,000 words in one month, much less a coherent story, but I'll bet you'll be surprised with what you come up with. When I last participated, I had no endurance for writing at all so I was literally running to catch up each week to make my word count. There was no time to think about whether my novel made sense or should be edited. I just kept going and the story took on a life of its own. The characters started doing things on their own and I was REALLY surprised at the end. The novel is quite a bit different now but I've still maintained the general structure even if the characters have all "matured" into themselves.

Since I have very good writing endurance now I'm curious to see how it goes this time. Will I finish early? How will I approach it this time? I'm really looking forward to it.

FANFIC

Fan Fiction or FanFic is taking well-known characters and writing stories about them. There are numerous blogs and websites where people are writing fanfics all the time. Some popular examples include Harry Potter, Star Trek (I believe the original Star Trek series spawned the first known fan fictions in the 1960s), and not surprising, Twilight. Fan fiction is also based on movies, TV shows, comic books, etc. I'm working on one myself, just for fun and to test drive Scrivener, and it's turned into a serious project. The most instructive thing I've learned so far is the importance of immersing myself in the source materials. I felt it was important for me to learn about the characters and the story world so my story "felt" right. This showed me how important it is to immerse myself in my own characters to the same degree. I may have made up these characters but that doesn't mean I know everything about them. In fact, they're starting to emerge as "real" people only very recently.

This is a difficult concept for some people to understand and is largely dictated by your writing style. How can you make up a character and not know everything about him/her? Maybe other people know everything about their characters but for me it's all part of the writing process. When I was writing my novel during the NaNoWriMo I mentioned to someone I was working with at the time that I didn't know what was going to happen next or how the story was going to end. She said, "How can you not know what's going to happen next when you're the one who's writing it?!" She clearly thought I was an idiot. I felt stupid at the time but now I know it's entirely possible to not know about your story or characters until you've been able to spend more time working on it. There are plenty of famous writers who say it takes them several drafts to even begin to figure out what the story is about. This woman clearly knows nothing about writing even if she is a voracious reader.

Next post - Fuel

Movie Musings: Metropolis, Completed

Last Friday I had the best cinematic experience of my life. A friend told me one of her friends had an extra ticket to see Metropolis at the Castro Theatre here in SF. Of course I said I would go. I've seen Metropolis many times but never on the big screen. I didn't realize just how special this screening was going to be until a couple of days before. Before I launch into that, here's some background information.

ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL FILMS EVER MADE

Metropolis is a 1927 German Expressionist silent film directed by Fritz Lang. Lush with eye-popping visuals that still impress today, the film has influenced generations of film directors. The film is set in a futuristic, totalitarian society where the workers are forced to labor underground to keep the massive city machines working and the wealthy live above ground in leisure. Maria, a woman who lives below ground, provides the workers with some measure of comfort by preaching of hope and of a mediator (the heart) who will bring the workers (the hand) and the Manager/Architect (the head) together. Freder, the son of Manager/Architect, lives an idyllic life of leisure until he sees Maria who has brought a group of worker children to see the people in the Eternal Gardens where Freder is enjoying the company of many women. Freder's life is changed when he decides to go find her. While looking for her, he sees the hellish conditions the workers must live in and trades places with one of them. Freder's father, the Manager/Architect, learns of Maria and goes to a mad but brilliant scientist who has created a Machine-man that can take on the likeness of any person. The Manager tells the scientist to make the Machine-man in the likeness of Maria to destroy the workers. As I'm sure you can guess, Freder turns out to be the long hoped for Mediator.

And now for some pictures:

The iconic Metropolis skyline

The Manager, the Mad Scientist, and the Machine-man

The hellish conditions of the workers

Shift change. This scene of the workers going through their shift change is one of the most famous scenes in the film. The workers coming in dejectedly walk to their jobs while workers finishing the shift leave in a state of exhaustion. The workers move as one unit, emphasizing their status as mere drones

Maria showing the worker children their "brothers and sisters" in the obscenely lush Eternal Gardens

Freder helps a worker who has collapsed

Some of the film's influences:

The image of the mad scientist with one black glove has been used over and over again in films. In the film our mad scientist has lost a hand and has created a mechanical version. He covers it with a black glove.

Blade Runner's skyline was heavily influenced by Metropolis (1982)

Metropolis influenced Terry Gilliam's Brazil (1984), especially in the art design of the film

Equilibrium, a 2002 film starring Christian Bale, was heavily influenced by Metropolis, Blade Runner, and The Matrix

Lastly, our very own C3PO (Star Wars, 1977) was directly modeled after Metropolis' Machine-man

COMPLETION

Metropolis has stopped short of being on my top 10 list of favorite films of all time because the story seemed a little weak to me. It turns out the reason for this is because there were major scenes missing from the film. The original film was heavily cut because it was deemed too long after being shown in Germany and much of the footage was lost. Every now and again new footage would be found but only a few minutes worth at best.

In July 2008, Fernando Pena, a film historian and Paula Felix-Didier, director of the Museo del Cine in Buenos Aires discovered that a version of Metropolis in the museum's archives had an unprecedented 30 extra minutes of footage. After some delay, the film was authenticated in Germany and the underwent a lengthy restoration as it was badly damaged. A few minutes of footage is still missing but this is the most complete version of Metropolis ever found. Finding a completed Metropolis is like finding the holy grail, and it is one of the most important finds in cinema history.

THE SCREENING

We got in line early and had to wait an extra half hour before they let us in. The line stretched around the block. The Castro Theatre is a magnificent old palace theater built in 1922. We managed to grab seats in the front row of the balcony.

This screening of Metropolis was accompanied by the Alloy Orchestra, a three-man orchestra who specializes in live performances for silent films. Alloy had prepared an original score for the film back in 1991. They revised their score for this new version of the film. I'm something of a purist when it comes to original scores for silent films; I usually refuse to hear anything other than the original score since it's what the director intended but Alloy did a marvelous job. Their score was intense, percussive and really brought out the themes of a mechanical, industrialized society. They announced that Alloy's score will be included as an alternate soundtrack on the new DVD/Blu-Ray of the completed film when it comes out in November (Yay!).

Before the film's screening they brought out Fernando Pena and Paula Felix-Didier, the two people mentioned previously who found the film. They told the story of how they found the film and how difficult it was to get people to take them seriously. We were all worn out from waiting for so long but it was wonderful to hear their story.

The film was amazing. The newly found footage is still badly scratched and we could easily tell which parts had been inserted into the print. Oddly this was very helpful as we could see how the footage enhanced the storyline. Minor characters who mysteriously appeared in the film but we had no clue as to their identity were now fully fleshed out. The Mad Scientist's motivations made sense. Even just a few moments of new footage helped enhance the story line and character development. The end result? A standing ovation, an audience of exhilerated movie goers, and Miss Turtle weeping in gratitude.

The film was screened as part of San Francisco's Silent Film Festival so it's not getting any kind of general release. I believe it's going to Los Angeles next. I think this is the only time I will be able to see the film like this: on a huge screen with a live orchestra. I feel so grateful that I got to go. I'm so lucky to have these opportunities, so goddamn lucky. And I'm so glad that I live here in my beloved city.

2010 Europe Trip: Planning and Traveling Alone

As many of you know I went on this trip alone. Two of reasons I decided to go alone were 1) I was going to do research for my novel and I wanted time to think, linger, explore, and take lots of notes without having to worry about whether someone else was having a good time and 2) I was going to see some of my favorite artists and paintings and I was really looking forward to having time alone to sketch.

People tell me how brave I am but I wasn't being brave. Not really. First off, I'd reconned Nuremberg previously and I knew I could be there alone and feel safe. Second, I purposely chose places I knew were safe for a woman traveling alone. I also chose places weren't too large and where I wouldn't have a problem with the language barrier. I made sure I stayed in a very central locations.

The only time I felt uncomfortable was when I was changing trains in Brussels to get to Bruges. When I arrived at the station everything was in French, I couldn't find my connecting train, and I only had 20 minutes to transfer. I couldn't even figure out where to ask for information. I finally found the right information desk and just managed to find my train. The second time I went through Brussels I had no problems.

I never got lonely. I talked to plenty of people in Amsterdam and Bruges. When I got to Nuremberg and Ansbach, I didn't talk to anyone because I was so focused on my research but that was how I wanted it to be.

My only mistake was that I overpacked. In Bruges, I mailed a bunch of clothes home because my suitcase had gotten so heavy I couldn't lift it. Mailing my clothes home was crazy expensive but I'm still glad I did it. Next time, I'll pack for four days and do laundry or stay in places that will do laundry for me. Paying for laundry has to be cheaper than mailing your clothes home.

As for planning I tend to go from macro to micro (yes, I plan almost everything in advance, I do this for some measure of security since I'm traveling alone):

• Make sure there's nothing major going on the days you'll be visiting unless it's an event you want to participate in. You might want to be in Munich during Ockoberfest with 100,000 other visitors but you might not want to be in Amsterdam during the first stage of the Giro d'Italia (a major bike race) when roads will be cut off and thousands of people are in the street watching the riders go by.
  
• Start with booking the flight then make a list of the days you'll be there.
• Create a table showing each day and plug in how much each item is going to cost such as the hotel room, train travel for a day, meals, etc.
  
• Decide how many days you'll need to be in each place and book your hotels.
• Decide how you'll be getting from place to place (train, bus?) and how you'll get to and from the airport (subway, cab, bus?). Book anything major such as train travel. Find out information for how you'll get to and from the airport.
• I took daytrips to Ghent in Belgium and Ansbach in Germany. I verified that the trains run every two hours or so and bought my tickets the same day since it was so easy to get there and back.
• Decide how many meals you'll be eating and prepare a budget.

At this point, the major planning has been done. My next steps are:

• Read online, in guidebooks, and ask people for places you want to go and things you want to see and decide generally what days you want to do those activities. Take into account that you might be jetlagged and plan accordingly. In Amsterdam, I chose to see the two major museums the first full day and took a canal cruise/saw the zoo a different day but I left plenty of time for wandering around neighborhoods, shopping, taking pictures, and exploring other people's recommendations.
• Be sure to research any regional food specialties wherever you're staying and ask the hotel folks for recommendations.
• Also research any interesting nightlife going on that you want to see. I went to the opera in Nuremberg and saw three plays when I was in London. You might be interested in pub crawling or going to a famous dance club or hanging out in an area known for its famous bars and restaurants.
  
• Check to see how much daylight you'll have. It didn't get dark until 10:30 pm in Amsterdam and 10:00 pm in Bruges and Nuremberg. This will affect your planning.
  
• Read online and guidebook maps to get familiar with the city. Look for landmarks, neighborhoods, parks, squares, the train station, airport, and public transportation stops. It's useful for orienting yourself and will cut down on the time it takes to get a feel for the place.
• Walk everywhere and use public transportation. I love public transportation but I always make sure it's safe to use by consulting guidebooks and making sure I know which places I shouldn't be in.
  
• Check for those all-in-one cards. Amsterdam and Nuremberg had cards where you pay one price and it includes public transportation for a certain number of days as well as museum admissions and attractions. These cards are available in the tourist office. You can also check online at the city's public transportation website which usually mentions if there's a tourist card. Hell, I think we even have something like this in San Francisco. Just take the time to run a quick calculation to see if it's worth the amount you're paying. My cards paid for themselves quickly since museum admissions were so pricey.
  
• Give yourself plenty of time to sit and relax. Relaxing in your hotel room, at a cafe, in a restaurant, in a park, in a square is so nice and lets you do some people watching.

Some other tips:

• Always bring your iPod or similar device and keep it charged. You never know when you have to shut out a conversation on a plane, excessive noise, or when you'll be waiting for a long time (like on the runway for the plane to take off) and don't feel like reading.
• Reading fun books is always a good idea while traveling. I rarely read anything new unless it's an "airport" book I can discard later. Instead, I usually bring a book I'm particularly fond of and will read my favorite sections while traveling.
  
• Try as much as you can to reduce weight. If you must bring something heavy, make it something important like your excellent camera. I brought my basic point-n-shoot but if I had the digital SLR I'm going to buy myself someday I would have brought that instead.
• Check the weather. Yes, check the weather. For some reason, people don't check the weather before they leave and they're all bend out of shape when it's not warm and balmy even though it's in the middle of freakin' November. As for me, I planned for the weather to be a lot cooler but it turned out to be unseasonably warm. Bring layers in case this happens. If you're traveling during the "shoulder" season bring a pair of cropped pants and a couple of extra t-shirts a well as a warm sweater, jeans, and a jacket that can stand up to the rain.
• Bring super comfy shoes that have already been broken in. Also, if you're traveling in the countries I really like to be visit, check for cobblestones. As charming as they are, they're killer on your feet and it can take almost a week for your feet to get used to them. I had to switch from my cute black clogs to my white sneakers my second day in Amsterdam. I spent the rest of the trip wearing them and looking like a tourist...Okay, I look like a tourist anyway but you know what I mean.

That's all I can think of now. Let me know if you have suggestions of your own.

Writing Life: Tips For Beginning Writers (Part 2 of 5) - Working Styles & WIP

WORKING STYLES

When you're starting out and getting used to writing on a regular basis, learning about your working style is probably the next step. Everyone has their own style. Even if you're familiar and comfortable with yours you might have to change or adapt it for a particular project you're working on. If you stick with writing long enough your working style may change over time.

Most people divide working styles into three categories, often referred to as plotters and pantsers or a combination of the two. A plotter is a planner. This writer will outline the story, come up with maps, character biographies and clothes, histories of the time and place, etc. all before even writing down one word of the story. A pantser (that is, "fly by the seat of your pants") will write the story down without knowing anything about it. This person will allow the story to grow "organically," letting the characters and events pull him/her along. The combination type does some of both.

There are disadvantages to both styles. A plotter may become so engrossed in getting every detail right that the story might never get written down. Sometimes plotters refuse to use a wonderful idea because it doesn't "fit" with the outline. A pantser might get lost on some (or all tangents) until the story is a mess and then faced with the daunting task of having to fix it. Sometimes a pantser will use every single wonderful idea and end up with a jumble of incidents but no story.

Advantages: A plotter has a pretty good idea of what the story is about to begin with and there is security and worth in this knowledge. A pantser thrives on the surprises that come up and cool ideas flying around. Neither style is better than the other. The only thing that matters is you go with the style you feel comfortable with.

A combination person might start out writing without knowing what the story is about and then stop and do some planning then continue writing. Or part of the story might be outlined first and then written down and other parts might be written on the fly.

Here are some tips for learning your style:

• Experimentation is everything. If you want to try something, just do it. Sometimes I get embarrassed about stuff I want try even though no one is going to read it. For example, right now I'm writing a piece of fan fiction, something I've never done before. It's been instructive and satisfying but I almost didn't write it down because I was embarrassed about trying it out (Maybe I'm the only person who feels this way sometimes). Experiment with outlining, using index cards, jumping in and letting the story grow "organically." Try playing around with writing "in the style of " some author you love or imitating the structure of a story you really like when you're first starting out. Everything you do will be instructive and you don't have to show anything to anyone.
  
• Write it down. This seems obvious but I've been guilty of this time and again. I'll run through ideas, scenes, stories in my head and think they're pretty cool but they're nothing until I get them on the computer screen. Remember when you write it down it may come out differently than you expected.
• Learn about other writers' styles, both famous and people you know. I love the creative process and enjoy talking to people about how they work. I love reading books on writing and how published writers work. Take what you can use and play around.
• Try different ways of working: handwriting the story, typing on a computer screen (or a combination of both). Try creative writing software (almost all of them let you play with a demo for a couple of weeks or a month). I use Scrivener and it has revolutionized the way I work. It gives me so much pleasure to open up my story and see everything in one place, including my scenes, notes, and research. Try writing tools such as books with writing prompts or books with checklists, cards, and a very structured way of putting together your story just for fun. You may not like it but you might find an idea that works for you.

"CREATIVE DNA"

Years ago, I bought a wonderful book about the creative process by Twyla Tharp, the dancer/choreographer, entitled "The Creative Habit." Though the book is written in the context of dance, it's for anyone who wants to be more creative so I suggest checking it out. In it, she talks about your "Creative DNA," that is, how you tend to approach the way you work on a project. She used writing as her example. How do you sense your story? By any kind of sensory perception? Many writers tend to "see" their story or parts of it but others might "hear" instead, such as two characters talking or "hear" what's going on in a setting. If you tend to "see" your story, how do you see it? Is it all about details, minutiae? Such as:

"Samuel Spade's jaw was long and bony, his chin a jutting V under the more flexible V of his mouth. His nostrils curved back to make another smaller V. His yellow-grey eyes were horizontal. The V motif was picked up again by thickish brows rising outward from twin creases above a hooked nose, and his pale brown hair grew down - from high flat temples - in a point on his forehead. He looked rather pleasantly like a blond satan." - Dashiell Hammett, Maltese Falcon.

Or do you see sweeping epics such as:

"This is a novel. Its characters and scenery are imaginary. There was no Venneford Ranch, no prairie town of Line Camp, no Skimmerhorn cattle drive in 1868, no Centennial. None of the families depicted here were real, nor founded upon real precedents. There was no Lame Beaver, nor Skimmerhorn nor Zendt nor Grebe. On the other hand, certain background incidents and characters are real. There was a great convocation in 1851 at Fort Laramie. There was a drought in 1931-1935....The South Platte River did behave as described." - James A. Michener, Centennial.

Some people see stories in what Tharp describes as "Sitcom," people sitting in the living room or kitchen having a conversation. Others see their stories cinematically, like watching a movie. There might be styles that could be called "Mini-Series" or "Trilogy" or "Comic Book" or "Monologue." There are other styles. These are just examples to get you thinking.

Thinking about and identifying your "Creative DNA" can be helpful. It doesn't mean you're a slave to it. It just helps to be aware of what feels natural and when you're experimenting with a style that is different.

MY WORKING STYLE (SO FAR)

Once again, this is just me. Your working style will and should be different. I'm most definitely a pantser. I've come up with four separate story lines for my novel even though the basic structure of the story remains the same with three different endings and two different beginnings. Let's not talk about the middle. After over a year of regular work I'm just now understanding that the story is about. I have dozens of scenes I wrote that I probably won't use. I'm just now learning about the locations of the story and fleshing out some of the characters' back stories.

I've been flailing around for a while but I wouldn't have it any other way. Why? Because I'm constantly surprised and this is the main reason I love writing so much. The characters are doing things, saying things that I had no clue was going to happen. The story is falling into place and all those weird loose ends are making sense and fitting together in ways I couldn't imagine before. I'm learning this story as I write it down and it's gotta be one of the coolest things EVER!

I've learned that instead of taking notes to figure out the story or characters, it's far better for me to write down scenes. Scenes allow me to explore what a character is doing in context of the story and to learn more about everything in general. All those scenes I won't be using and alternate story lines have been useful. Since I've learned what the story is about I feel like I can use some structure now such as preparing a timeline and delving deeply into character studies.

I've also learned that I can't think about my story too much. I see my creative process as the surface of the water with a vast ocean below. Some ideas will float around on the surface but it's best for me not to think in terms of "this happened, then this happened." Instead, I'll see snippet of a scene and then trust that when I go write it down the scene will come out whole. It always does.

Anyone who knows me won't be surprised that I see everything cinematically. It's all about the IMAX screen in my head. I think in terms of lighting, camera angles, pulling in for a closeup, tracking shots, you get the idea (I love cinematography!). I keep thinking I should take film making and acting classes to enhance my style.

Lastly, I have a peculiar focus on where and how my characters are moving in space: their posture, how they're breathing, where they are in a room and in relationship to each other if there's more than one person. Sometimes I get hung up on these details because I can't figure out how to get a character from one room to another without boring the hell out of myself with every detail about how the character is moving (or not moving) through space.

WIP

Your Work in Progress is very important. Choose whatever you want but choose carefully. Even if you're writing a short short story you're probably going to spend a lot of time and creative energy working on it and if you can't stand it you're never going to finish. This is doubly true if you're working on a novel. You are going to get sick of it. You're going to want to throw the whole thing out because it's all you've been thinking about for months, years. You must love what you're working on because that love will be the only thing that will bring you back and keep you moving forward until it's finished.

Me? I've been working on my novel for years now. I wrote the first draft and then put it away for a year because I didn't know what to do next. Since I picked up again, I've been working on it for more than two years with the last year being steady, regular work. I love this story so much. I love these characters and I can't wait to get back to it so I can learn more about what's going to happen next. Choose your WIP carefully. Don't settle for anything less than a story you love that much.

Next Post - Learning

Writing Life: Tips For Beginning Writers (Part 1 of 5) - Basics

Though I haven't published anything so far (except here!) I have been writing regularly for quite a few years. I've been thinking of what I've learned so far and decided to write some thoughts down. Originally, I was going to do a journal entry for my own clarity but I decided it would be more fun to do a blog post instead. None of this advice is cut in stone and what works for me and what I've learned may not work for you.

My writing life so far: I've drafted a first novel and am working on the second novel, I have at least 10 short stories under my belt that don't have anything to do with my characters created here on this blog (all in first draft form), I'm going to use one of my short stories to draft my third novel later this year, I have something like four more novels rolling around in my head, and I write on these two blogs. Will I ever publish? Yup. I'll definitely get there too.

THE BASICS

Write all the time. Read all the time. Never give up.

Those are the three basic, classic pieces of writing advice and they are probably the most important. You're never going to get anywhere unless you write a lot. You're never going to learn anything unless you read. And you can't ever give up.

One reason this advice is so important is it takes a long time to grow into a writer. Your writing when you first start out is going to be very different two, five, and ten years later. I read somewhere that you don't really grow into a writer until maybe 10 years after you've started. I've been writing regularly for the last seven years and I'm only just now feeling like I'm getting a grip on my writing. Of course, there are exceptions. Some people are brilliant from the get-go and progress very quickly but you won't know if you fall into that category until you get started.

Writing all the time is the bedrock of the writing life. Easier said than done. There's work, family, and a million other things on your schedule. I'm an odd exception to all that. Other than work and my volunteer gig with the penguins, I have set up my entire life to revolve around my writing. This could be considered a selfish act. So be it. I live in a wonderful city that provides endless ideas and stimulation, I'm not in a relationship, I have no children of my own, I don't watch television, I'm essentially a solitary person in my day-to-day life, and I carefully chose my activities to ensure that I have plenty of time for writing. I have obscene amounts of free time to myself.

I realize most people can't do that but making time to write still has to be a top priority if you want to be a writer. If you're just starting out or trying to get re-started I recommend you try to carve out two hours a week. Two hours a week may not seem like a lot but this is where I started and after you've been writing two hours a week it becomes easier to build on this time. If you don't build on this time you'll still see some results. If two hours a week is still too much then start with one hour a week. Where can you find this time? If you watch television is there a one or two hour block you can give up? That's probably the easiest place to find your time.

One thing I've learned this past year, and this goes along with writing all the time, is the concept of endurance. Before I joined my writing group "Shut Up & Write" I was flailing around. I had a tough time sitting down and focusing. I didn't realize I didn't have the necessary endurance built up to write regularly. In our "Shut Up & Write" sessions we get together at a cafe for an hour and write. We don't do critiques (we have separate sessions for that), we don't share what we're writing other than to mention very briefly about what we're working on ("I'm Mock Turtle and I'm writing a novel"), we just write. Sometimes we talk a little before and after the sessions but the main thing is to write for an hour. Since going to these sessions regularly I've found my endurance for writing has increased dramatically. I can write for hours, all day long now if I want to. Also, because I've built up this foundation and practice, I can write for very short periods of time and still be productive. Many times I'll start a scene during my morning commute on MUNI or for a few minutes during my lunch break. I write it down on 4x6 index cards, and then type it up when I get home. This keeps me connected to my story and helps me feel productive because I've been doing some writing throughout the day.

If you don't live in the Bay Area and don't have access to "Shut Up & Write," I highly recommend you start one in your area. Whether you decide to do it formally by contacting our organizer for tips, etc. or you decide to do an informal version in your own home by yourself, I still think it's a very worthwhile endeavor. If you're going to go this route, I highly recommend you go to a cafe or library or somewhere else to do your writing when you're starting out. It's very helpful to be away from the distractions of home. Writing with other people, even for an hour, is also invaluable.

Reading all the time is something I don't do and need to do more. The idea is you learn to write by reading widely. Not only in your chosen genre which is very important, but also in completely different areas as well. Reading brilliant works is a no-brainer but there's also much to be learned from reading lousy books. There are plenty of writing books which discuss reading in this manner. Usually when I find a scene or dialog or description that really stands out for me, either good or bad, I'll stop and try to figure out why it stands out. I'll ask "Why does this work?" or "Why is this so terrible?" and take some notes.

I also recommend reading poetry and graphic novels/comics/manga on a regular basis if you don't usually read them. Reading poetry will give you a different perspective on language and how to use it in ways you might not have thought of. Graphic novels/comics/manga tell stories in a very different way using pictures with words. This will also broaden your perspective and give you some new ideas. When I say read them on a regular basis I mean pick them up every now and again. Some writers recommend you read poetry every single day. I don't do that but I can see where it would be helpful.

Never giving up is just that: no matter what happens you keep going. If the project doesn't work, you start the next one. All this means is you have more to learn. I used to envy people who had to write; it's a compulsive need they have. Stephen King is a famous example of such a person. I didn't have that need to write when I first started out but now I've turned into the person who must write, no matter what. This was something that happened to me gradually over a period of time of regular practice and learning about my own working style. I know now that I will never stop writing, that even if I never publish I will still go on writing short stories and novels because the process of writing is so satisfying for me.

A word about writing practice and morning pages. When I was in my early 20s I picked up a book called "Writing Down The Bones" by Natalie Goldberg which is a fabulous overview of writing practice. I spent some time experimenting with writing practice which is where you free-write for a particular period of time with a chosen topic. While I don't really do writing practice now, I think it's a great way for a beginner to experiment to see if it works for you and see what comes out of your writing. This would be a wonderful way to begin if you don't have an idea for a project in mind. I used to free-write just before starting on my writing session for 15 minutes as a way to warm up but now I just dive into my story because I can't wait to get started on it. As for morning pages, I'd read about them a few years ago and went back to trying them earlier this year. I don't hand write them, handwriting is frustrating to me, but I was writing three pages first thing in the morning and it was very helpful with clearing my head and making me feel calm. I don't think about what I'm writing, it's basically a massive three-page brain dump. More like therapy, really. I recommend trying it out if you find yourself ranting and raving about stuff going on in your life rather than working on your project.

Next Post - Working Styles & WIP

View Outside My Window: Pink Church at Sunset

Sunset from my narrow sliver of a window

Afterword - Lost and Found

Now that I'm done with this story I can say that though it took a long time to get it up here I'm glad I posted it. I'm not sure how many people will actually read it especially since it's so long but I suppose it doesn't matter at this point. Posting the story was all about me experimenting with my own comfort level. As I mentioned before, this story is a very personal one and one which I wouldn't have considered putting up for others to read two years ago.

I'm still not 100% sure what the story is about but it might have something to do with being Lost and Found. I've always been interested in the idea of losing everything and then getting it all back in the end after a difficult journey. The journey is the thing, of course, but there's nothing wrong with bringing it all back home with you. The interesting thing is my imaginary world has changed, and clearly there are things that this story is trying to tell me. I just need to learn what they are.

The Epilogue after I wrote “The Coda” was about the arduous journey and making your way home. This is something a little different and more monumental. Precious characters were lost and found, stayed and left, and some were lost forever. I was surprised while writing this story since almost everything was unfolding as I was writing it down.

Central to this story is Mr. Gryphon, of course, and losing him and getting him back. When I first started the story I was completely freaked out that my best imaginary friend had been killed. I didn't know what to make of it but I did know the story would be about the journey of getting him back. Who is Mr. Gryphon? He's me, of course, though sometimes I think of him as my ideal partner or what my ideal partner could be like.

Nick is based on a real person who might have looked out for me in real life for a time. I haven't seen him in a while and wonder how he is. I hope he's doing well. The chapter where I was in the bubble mirror traveling from the White Tower in Dis to the church was inspired by a mini-crisis I inflicted upon myself last summer. I originally wrote some of my tender feelings into the story but had to delete them as they were too close to the truth.

The church is a real church in New York City on Lexington Avenue. I visited the church during one of my solitary trips. When I walked into the place the silence was so heavy that I felt like I'd been transported to a different plane. It felt really unearthly. There were only two other people in the church at the time.

The little old man with the clear blue eyes was a man I talked to briefly while in the Church of Sts. Peter and Paul in North Beach. I blogged about him in my post about my walk through that neighborhood.

There's more, I suppose, but I think I will stop here. Thanks again for reading. It's much appreciated.