I've been spending most of my time pondering what I'm supposed to do next and planning the rest of December. Several interesting feelings have been coming up for me.
- Guilt over not being employed. It just feels really wrong to not be working.
- Worry about having a finite amount of money in my bank account. It's really scary knowing that another paycheck isn't coming in anytime soon.
- Lack of motivation. I just don't feel like doing much of anything, but I still manage to get things done anyway.
- A worrisome nagging suspicion that I don't necessarily want to go to another "company" and do what I was doing before.
I've been going through "Apartment Therapy," a book with an eight week program for getting your apartment in shape. I've also been going through the Gotham Writers' Workshop book "Writing Fiction." I wanted to take an actual online class, but can't afford it right now. The book was $15 and is a writing course in itself. I also just bought a book called "Time Off! The Leisure Guide to San Francisco." It's about low cost ways to enjoy the City especially if you've been laid off, and goes into detail about how to use your newfound time, and how to deal with job hunting, finances, etc.
It feels really uncomfortable not working. I keep thinking I should get on the ball and get cracking, but I really want to take the time to figure what kind of work situation I want to be in. There are huge alarms going off in my head and they're saying "WAIT! WAIT! Don't rush into anything! Explore, ponder and figure things out!!!!"
I guess that means I need to take this time off rather than throwing myself at another high paying, but soul sucking job. I'm very close to considering doing something really different and taking a pay cut. I need to figure out what that something is.