Move Musings: The Good, The Bad, The Weird

As you can see this movie is an homage to the Sergio Leone movie "The Good The Bad and The Ugly." This movie is a kick in the pants. Jee-Woon Kim is one of South Korea's best directors with an impressive list of films under his belt including "A Tale of Two Sisters," one of the best horror movies to come out in any language in recent years, and "A Bittersweet Life," a beautiful insanely violent gangster revenge movie.

Let's talk about the actors first. Song Kang-Ho plays The Weird (the guy on the right) and is my favorite actor on the planet. There are no American, British or any other actors I like better than him. Other actors have better range and many others, including the two men in the poster above, are better looking but this guy really floats my boat. Fortunately, he's in a lot of Korean films and plays a huge variety of characters. Although he's standing on the right in this poster he gets the most screen time and carries the film. Why is he The Weird? Probably because he's funny.

Lee Byung-Hun is The Bad (standing in the center) and playing the role of a sociopath for the first time. He does a great job with the glazed insane eyes look and creating a feeling of "Oh my God he's here. Something bad is going to happen." Even though he looks a lot like Prince with his emo haircut, eyeliner, and earrings, our brilliant director takes advantage of the fact that Byung-Hun is not only unbelievably good-looking but also has a cat-like elegance about him, a trait both the director and actor used to full advantage in "A Bittersweet Life." Byung-Hun's elegance is highlighted with perfect white shirts, black leather gloves, and magnificent tailoring.

Jung Woo-Sung is The Good (on the left). Though he gets the least screen time he gets to play the deadly accurate hero by swinging above a western town on a rope while shooting bad guys with his shotgun and brazenly riding his horse through the Japanese army while firing away. His "Good" guy is a bounty hunter in it for the money. He looks fantastic in his long coat and laced up boots. He does a great job and I'm finding myself becoming more enamored with each viewing of this movie.

What, you want to know about the story? Uh, there's this map that's found in several languages by The Weird guy and a mad chase ensues because everyone wants it. Trust me when I say the story isn't that important here. What is important is there are fantastic action sequences including an extended Mad Max style chase involving horses, jeeps, canons, and motorcycles with sidecars through the desert. People are shooting each other, canons are firing, there's a lot of dust, and horses are running for their lives. On top of that it looks like Byung-Hun and Woo-Sung are really riding their horses like crazy with one hand and firing their weapons with the other at the same time. It's badASS!

The movie was never released here and isn't available on DVD in this region so if you manage to get a copy play it on your computer.

While it's true that this movie isn't Jee-Woon Kim's best film story-wise it's a good time anyway so what are you complaining about?

Just so it's clear what this post is really about I'm closing out by posting a picture of the three heartthrobs, er actors. From left to right: Jung Woo-Sung, Lee Byung-Hun, and Song Kang-Ho (my FAVORITE). And to think that before I started watching South Korean films I wasn't attracted to Asian guys. Well, that's all changed now.

Writing Life: Deciding What To Post

A friend and I were talking about blogging and she asked me how I decide what to post. She said it seems I post whatever I feel like writing about at the time. This is true though I've been trying to steer this blog a little more lately. She asked me what makes a good blog post and it was difficult to explain. I wanted to try to write down the elements just to clarify in own my mind what makes a good post:

• The post has to be a complete piece of writing in itself, able to stand on its own. This seems obvious but I've written drafts where I didn't know where they were going or the ending was really weak and have chosen not to post them. I realize I probably do put up blog posts like this from time to time but the ones I decide not to use are really bad.

• I still write for myself but I've become more relaxed about writing for my readers over the years and I usually try to think of what will be interesting for them. On the other hand, certain posts like my conversations with my brother and the Mr. Gryphon posts are just for me. I get a huge kick out of writing out conversations with my brother and posting them even if they are strange. Mr. Gryphon posts are a way for me to keep in touch with that aspect of my personality that he and the weird world I've created represent.

• The post has to be interesting to me. I've started posts and then abandoned them simply because I realized I wasn't interested in the subject matter after all and noticed my writing had gone down the tubes during the drafting stage.

• There's a particular mindset necessary for me to get into while writing for this blog otherwise the post won't work. One thing I've noticed is the more I write, the easier it is to get into that mindset even if it's late at night and I'm tired or in a bad mood or have no idea what to write. The act of sitting down at the computer and opening up a "New Post" screen is usually enough to get me there.

• I try to keep the posts balanced, thinking of what I haven't written about in a while. This can be tricky because I lose track what I've written in the past, a sort of blog post tunnel vision.
  

• The post either has to move me or give me a little zing when I read it even if it's one of my "Junk Mail" posts. One thing I love to do is read my blog posts (and stories) out loud. It gives me an enormous pleasure to hear my own words spoken. If I don't feel that pleasure then I don't post.

I realized just now that the previous list doesn't really explain much. Blog posting for me is such a subjective process and it's very difficult to explain why something works and something else doesn't. I will say that I do post most of what I write. There are relatively few entries that don't go up.

Thoughts about the types of posts:

• Pictures. Pictures are important and I dare say I've become a much better photographer while taking pictures for this blog. There should be plenty of pictures, particularly about San Francisco and the Bay Area. I had the idea that people enjoy coming here to see the City from my viewpoint and I'm planning on adding more San Francisco posts in the future.

• I like to write about my interests here though I don't write about all of them. I don't see this blog as a showcase for whatever project I'm working on unless it's about the writing but it's fun to throw in posts about my other interests here and there.

• Emotional stuff. I'm always worried about whining too much and so have been trying to pull back on those posts lately. My friend pointed out that ranting and raving posts are good sometimes and I shouldn't leave them out altogether because they likely resonant with others.

• Surreal Shit. This is the only place where I write anything surreal. They are always about something in particular and I have a lot of fun with them. They're important to do every now and then as a writing exercise.

• The Writing Life. These posts are very important to me and I use them as signposts for my own writing progress, ideas, and attitudes as they're evolving. Whether anyone else finds them interesting and/or useful is completely beside the point though I'm happy if people like reading them.

• I really enjoy using this blog as a chronicle for my major trips. I still haven't finished all my posts for this year's trip to Europe.
  

I haven't posted on my other blog, Fainting in Coils, in a while since I finished "FailSafe." I'm going to write another long story sometime in the beginning of next year and will post it there. Though I don't post there regularly it's very important for me to keep that blog up because it's only forum for these stories.

I do wish I could draw. I'd be creating illustrations for my stories for sure and I would enjoy posting pictures for you but I'm a lousy artist. I'm pretty good at copying/sketching other works but can't create something of my own.

I sometimes ponder the differences between posting here and FaceBook. I used to include surreal notes there but don't anymore. FaceBook is all about skimming through statuses and posting your own. Plus, I know everyone on FaceBook. Many of my friends on FaceBook don't even know I have these blogs and I'm reluctant to share that information for some reason. I think it has something to do with worrying about what those people would think of me if they read this stuff.

Thanks for reading and I hope you are all enjoying your Holidays.

Movie Musings: Horror Movies

Last night I was having one of my familiar "dark nighttime of the soul" evenings. I had just seen "The Descent" which I really enjoyed. It's ridiculous, but I had fun screaming and applauding, plus watching those women hanging from rocks was amazing even if it was a set. The plot is six women go caving and get trapped deep underground. Not only do they have to find another way out (it's a new cave system), but there may also be something else down there. Something really, really hungry.

I have a tough time watching horror movies. I seem to be better now than I was years ago, but since I sleep alone I generally avoid them. Last night, I was up late at night looking up plot spoilers for movies I've never seen such as "Tale of Two Sisters," "Hellraiser I-IV," "Skeleton Key," "The Grudge" and "Silent Hill." "Tale of Two Sisters" sounds scary and fascinating. The others seem okay for horror movies although "Silent Hill" sounds like a big mess. I was reading the plot spoiler and trying to figure out what was going on there. The movie must be over three hours long.

My cousins were fond of watching "Chiller Diller Matinee" on channel 2 and "Creature Features" on channel 44 when I was growing up. Both featured bad low grade horror and monster movies. I was so impressionable that I couldn't watch anything scary at all because I would have terrible nightmares afterwards.

On the other hand, sometimes both shows would feature Godzilla movies which were my favorites when I was growing up. I was never afraid of the big lizard since I love dinosaurs so much.

My breakthrough movie came when I watched "Creature from the Black Lagoon" for the first time. I was really scared at first, but ended up glued to the couch. I was so riveted that by the time the movie was over, I didn't realize I was the only one still watching it.

I managed to avoid horror after that until my best friend insisted we watch the first "Friday the 13th." Bad dreams ensued. Later, at our neighborhood movie theater, they showed a double feature of "Altered States" and "The Shining." I saw both movies nine times in nine weeks. "The Shining" gave me the SCREAMING horrors so much that my mother called my friends and told them I couldn't watch that movie anymore. I would get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and walk down the hallway in the dark. When I looked towards my parents' bedroom, I'd see those two creepy little girls standing at the end of the hallway. They would say "forever and ever and ever." Things got so bad that for a short time my parents took to giving me a quarter of Valium so I could sleep at night.

Now that I'm a little less impressionable, I think "The Shining" is one of the all time great movies. The images are iconic, the sets stunning, the cinematography, music and sound are all phenomenal. Shelly is great with her wide-eyed rabbit terror and Jack, of course, with his carefully plucked eyebrows, is amazing. I love the dialog too, especially between Jack and Delbert Grady in the bathroom ("I corrected them") and between Jack and the Satanic looking bartender (Joe Turkel). Great stuff.

A young friend of mine begged me to take her to see "The Ring" on opening weekend. She was into all things anime and Japanese at the time and wanted to see it before her friends did (some of her friends weren't allowed to see it). We had such a grand time. We hid under my coat and spend a lot of time screaming. I think I missed a good quarter of the movie that first time because either had my eyes shut or was hiding under my coat. I was most impressed with "The Ring." It was a very interesting movie.

That's a wonderful memory.

I must be out of my "dark nightime of the soul" place. No weird thoughts. No potential for bad dreams. It's a lovely, foggy summer day here in San Francisco and I just remembered I need to add "Saw II" to my Netflix queue.

Movie Musings: I Saw The Devil (Akmareul boattda)

Soo-hyun (Lee Byung-hun) and Kyung-chul (Choi Min-sik)
are working through some serious issues together.

This is a 2010 Korean film by one of my favorite directors Kim Ji-woon, who also directed excellent films like A Bittersweet Life, A Tale of Two Sisters, and The Good, The Bad, and The Weird. I'd heard of this film but hadn't looked very closely into it. Imagine my excitement when I read it was showing locally. I managed to catch it on the last day it was playing at Lumiere Theater here in SF.

THE FILM

The first thing you need to know is this is one of the most violent films I've ever seen. They're marketing it as a horror film but it's not. I understand why they went this route because it's the only way to prepare the audience the extreme level of graphic violence. The word "extreme" is used far too often but it's completely appropriate here.

No, this isn't a horror film, rather it's a revenge tale. A secret agent's wife is dismembered and murdered by a serial killer. Sometimes we hear people in movies (or in real life) say that death is too good for someone. This film takes that idea and pushes it past any sane person's limits.

The film stars two of my favorite Korean actors: Lee Byung-hun is Kim Soo-hyun, our avenging secret agent, and Choi Min-sik is Jang Kyung-chul, our serial killer. Lee's Soo-hyun is stoic and efficient and seems to get even more so as time goes on. He's keeping it all in, everything he feels, and he willingly walks on his chosen path of an eye for an eye. Choi's Kyung-chul is a monster. His insanity and blood lust are almost casual and are so much a part of him that it appears to be as natural as breathing. Both actors are great in their roles but Choi is unbelievable. It's my opinion that Choi is South Korea's best actor and we really see it here. This character might be up there as one of the greatest villains to grace the screen.

These two characters really face off with each other. Neither of them refuse to yield so you have these two immovable forces hurtling at each other like two trains.

THE VIOLENCE

There's a lot of violence and gore in this film and it's relentless, very graphic, and sickening. There's very little gun violence. Choi Min-sik is probably best known for his amazing role in Oldboy. Oldboy is violent as well but nothing like this. Choi's use of a hammer during the brilliant hallway sequence in Oldboy has become an iconic image, of sorts. He uses many hammers, knives, and other blunt and sharp objects during this film and uses them over and over. People in the audience kept reacting out loud to the violence: gasping, groaning, mumbling things like "do they have to show that?" I didn't see anybody leave but I was sitting closest to the screen. I wouldn't be surprised if a couple of people walked out.

Of course, this film is beautifully shot and scored. The sound is...both sickening and amazing. We would expect nothing less from our esteemed director. Mr. Kim was required to make certain cuts otherwise it would have been difficult to show this film in Korea. I'm looking forward to a director's cut with all the accompanying extras this film will surely have.

MULTIPLE VIEWINGS

So I saw this film last Thursday night at Lumiere Theater and it clocked in at 144 minutes. I decided to see it again at Opera Plaza Cinemas on Van Ness on Sunday night and they cut about 20 minutes from the film! What the FUCK? I can't think of any reason why they did that. They cut an entire scene, the scene in the doctor's office. This scene is important because it's here you begin to understand what Soo-hyun is doing because it's more than just find the bad guy and then kill him. Also, it provides the explanation for why Kyung-chul is limping for the rest of the film. I've looked around for some kind of explanation for the shorter running time but haven't found one. I guess I should be glad I got to see the long version.

CONCLUSION

I really loved this film though I can't recommend it to anyone because of the violence. There are no heroes in this movie; it's not cool or awesome in any way. It's certainly not satisfying the way some revenge movies are. This is a film about destruction but it also has a kind of purity about it because it's gloriously uncompromising: The camera will not look away. It's supposed to be about what happens when someone goes down that black, bloody road known as revenge but this moral question becomes irrelevant after a while. This film is great because everyone knows what happens at the end of such an endeavor and the characters and director allow us to go there with them without trying to shield us from that awful place. Magnificent.

Movie Musings: Highlights from the San Francisco IndieFest

This was my second year attending the San Francisco Independent Film Festival or SF IndieFest. I saved my money and bought a festival pass even though I'm still unemployed. My goal was to double the number of films I saw last year (total of eight). I succeeded. About halfway through the festival it looked like I might actually reach 20 films but that didn't happen.

The Stats:
Total number of films watched = 16, plus 1 shorts program.
Total number of days = 15.
Total number of parties attended= 0.
Total number of music gigs attended = 0.

I would have attended more parties but the scheduling was out of whack for me and I had to put my dog down during the second week so I decided to focus on watching the films.

Most of the films I saw were very good and two of them were great. I took extensive notes on everything I saw, including the shorts. The cool thing about the IndieFest is you get to see films that are never distributed and you'll never hear about otherwise. Many times the directors and producers are on hand for a question and answer session and because most people don't ask many questions they end up answering at least one of mine.

I'm not going to write extensively about all sixteen films. Instead, I'll write about my top five favorites then about films that I found to be notable.

THE TOP FIVE FAVORITE FILMS

No. 5 - The Sentimental Engine Slayer
(Dir. Omar Rodriguez-Lopez) (Mexico/United States)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUSgrvpkejE)

"It's I Ching as in iPod."

Director Omar Rodriguez-Lopez is multi-talented and amazing. He wrote, acted as the main character, directed, scored, and produced this very interesting film. Funny, gritty, and sometimes harrowing, I really enjoyed it. The film is about Barlam, an awkward, withdrawn young man in his early 20s with a penchant for model cougars (the cars, not women). He's carrying on a borderline incestuous relationship with his addict sister and seems to be searching for some kind of grounding in his life. Family friend and boss, Oscar, and his sister's live-in boyfriend, Zack, attempt to provide him with some direction and focus (getting him laid) as they keep telling him to lighten up. The film is not chronologically told, in fact, some scenes loop back on and repeat themselves and there are many fantasy sequences as Barlam switches back and forth between psychopathic rage and helpless doormat. The film had a disjointed storyline but I didn't find it difficult to follow after a while and rather enjoyed trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't.

The music was wonderful (by Omar's own band, The Mars Volta, among others), and the editing was superb. I loved Nomar Rizo as Oscar and Kim Stodel as Zack. Both had the best lines in the film though Barlam's poetic comments in Spanish were lovely.

No. 4 - The Drummond Will
(Dir. Alan Butterworth) (United Kingdom)
Trailer (http://youtu.be/3RjQYTea1ko)

"This isn't Cluedo, Danny!"

This was a funny film. Very dry, very British. I overhead someone say as I was leaving the theater that the film owes a lot to Monty Python. There did seem to be a sort of exasperated John Cleese vibe going on as the situation grew worse and worse. Let me backup. Two estranged brothers attend their estranged father's funeral in a small village. The older one, Marcus, is an uptight corporate sell-out; the younger, Danny, is an eternal optimist with no job and no responsibility. They inherit their father's cottage and thinking it's worthless crap find out there's a large bag of money. Their father's "friends" attempt to take the money for themselves and our two bickering brothers do their best to manage the situation as the body count goes up.

I loved this film's gorgeous black and white photography. The cast was small but very good and though our two lead actors are virtual unknowns they did a great job together.

No. 3 - Kaboom
Opening Night Film - (Dir. Gregg Araki) (United States/France)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xu9NkMCElMk)

"That whole stoner thing was just a cover up."

Our young hero, Smith, is attending college pursing a film studies major. Smith is smart, horny, a little unsure of himself, and has stated that his own sexuality is "undeclared" since he likes both guys and girls. When he thinks he witnesses a fellow student's murder while whacked out on some "cookies" at a party, everyone understandably thinks he was having a bad dream or trip. The mystery moves into conspiracy theory mode and takes off running from there. There's a witch thrown in for good measure and some weird guys in animal masks wandering around.

So yeah, this was a kick in the pants. Very funny and silly with some fantastic lines, this film features a cast of beautiful young gay and bi people having a whole lot of sex. Did I mention there's a lot of nudity too? The girls were great especially London, Smith's current fuck buddy, and Smith's best friend, Stella. I think they had the best lines. I loved the way it was shot with super saturated colors, especially the blues. It enhanced the film's gleeful hedonism.

Director Gregg Araki was on hand and very charming. This is his tenth film with his most famous one being Mysterious Skin. Many members of the audience asked him about his past works. I'm going to have to check out his other films now.

No. 2 - The Last Circus
Closing Night Film - (Dir. Alex De La Iglesia) (Spain)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvI65Qr6ObM&feature=related)

Sergio: Why do you want to be a clown?
Javier: Why are you?
Sergio: Because if I weren't a clown, I'd be a murderer.
Javier: Me too.

First the story: Two men (Sergio and Javier) are fighting over a lushly gorgeous woman (Natalia). That the two men are clowns and Natalia is an acrobat makes the situation even more...strange. The circus itself is full of animals (many of them human), bizarre characters, and great costumes. Also, the film starts out during the Spanish Civil War in 1937 but the main part of the story picks up in 1973. Okay, enough of that.

I loved, LOVED this film and it is my second favorite of the festival. Full of graphic violence and beautiful images, this film might be described as hellish poetry. Our two anti-heroes, with one just barely functioning as the antagonist, both personify the iconic murderous, psychopathic clown with some nifty facial mutilations thrown in for good measure. Magnificently shot and scored along with great sound effects and sets used to enhance the circus atmosphere and the intense violence. The opening title sequence with its ominous percussive pounding and fascinating images was a work of art in itself. Our two lead actors are not handsome men but their faces, particularly their eyes, are expressive even with mutilations. This film is not politically correct, especially with its scenes of abuse and rough sex, and you can't call its humor black more like a nightmare laced with anarchic hysterics. A mad, arresting vision.

No. 1 - The Aristocrat
(Dir. Gregory Croteau)
Trailer (http://vimeo.com/12714571)

Marc: Are you at all interested in getting by in this business?
Eddie: Yes!
Marc: Then listen!
Eddie: Because you say so much?

This was a great film, the best of the festival. Marc, a traveling salesman, is training his replacement, the young, brash Eddie, so he can spend a year trying to figure out what he wants to do next. I won't say much more than that because this film is best viewed cold, ice cold if you can manage it. There's this wonderful pleasure in approaching it this way. The feeling that you have found something that's a secret, something you found on your own.

The actors were great. The guy who played Marc had only been acting for three months in his own little one man show. The guy who played Eddie had a little more experience. The dialogue is fascinating because I got the sense they were talking about different things at times, that there were things happening in the undercurrent I didn't understand.

I asked the director after the screening when it was going to come out on DVD. He said he wasn't sure if they were going to release it once they were done with the film festival circuit. I hope they do. It's worth buying and pondering over.

By the way, the director is seeking funding for his short film Remember Your Death. They're seeking $10,000 by March 11th and are well on their way to their goal. I've made a donation myself already and if you're interested in checking it out, see this link here (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1419191340/remember-your-death-a-short-film).

NOTABLE FILMS

As with last year's festival, I saw films that I didn't like as much but were very interesting in other ways. Here's the list:

Machotaildrop
(Dirs. Corey Abrams, Alex Craig) (Canada)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maMF3E7WlBs)

Young kid Walter Rhum dreams of becoming a pro skate boarder with Machotaildrop, a skateboard company. He's delighted when his video submission is accepted and he's summoned to Machtaildrop where he becomes a spokesperson for the company. Along the way he meets Blair Stanley, a boarder on his way out; the Baron, his boss; Dr. Manfred, who likes to experiment; Sophie, the beautiful librarian, and many fetching costumes. Walter is riding high until things take a dark turn when he finds out what happens to boarders when they can't skate anymore.

Apparently a cult film among skaters, this screening had a sell out crowd of lots of young people with their boards in tow. The story and the film overall was just okay though 18-year old Anthony Amedori as Walter did a great job carrying the film. The best things about it were the skating stunts and the marvelous look and feel of it. The sets (particularly the mansion and its amusement park elements), the highly saturated colors, strange props, weird costumes, odd characters, and quirky music gave the film a kind of carnival, surreal feeling. Very interesting.

R U There
(Dir. David Verbeek) (Taiwan/Netherlands)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwXg4v1XG8I&feature=related)

A young professional gamer, Jitze, is in Taipei for a gaming competition along with his team. He is focused, disciplined, and aloof. While out for a walk near his hotel he witnesses a fatal accident involving a scooter. The experience shakes him to his core though he won't talk about it with anyone. The subsequent stress affects his shoulder and his ability to focus, causing problems with his gaming. He meets Min Min after seeing her around the hotel, a betelnut girl, sometime masseuse, and possible prostitute, and asks her for a massage. She complies and leaves him her card. Jitze, intrigued by Min Min, goes to her workplace to see her. She mentions when she wants to relax she goes to Second Life. The rest of the film are his attempts to get closer to her in real life and in Second Life.

I liked this film overall but the pacing was uneven: it started off slow, got very interesting, and then the ending was a head scratcher. Still, I liked this movie for its incredible visuals. The scenery and the streets were gorgeous, both of our lead actors were beautiful, and the Second Life and video game sequences were spectacular.

The Trashmaster
Dir. Mathieu Weschler)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVYCXw-dSKE) (France)

A machinema is a film made entirely with video game engines, in this case Grand Theft Auto IV, but with a completely new storyline, voice actors, and editing. A NYC trash collector moonlights as a vigilante, killing robbers, murders, rapists, and other scum until he appears to meet his match with a particularly twisted serial killer.

Obviously labor intensive and ambitious, I really enjoyed it. Standout sequences include the many shootouts, the chase through the subway tunnels, and, of course, the car chase sequences. The director also made great use of the soundtrack. I've seen similar efforts on Youtube but those are just 2-3 minutes, maybe 10 minutes long. Not a perfect movie, it did seem to drag in a couple of parts, but well worth watching. I was fascinated.

Mr. X
(Dir. Goncalo Galvao Teles) (Portugal)
(Short film = 22 minutes)

This was GORGEOUS! A garbage collector with an unrequited love for a waitress helps an old man standing in front of the trash holding an old camera that no longer works. The garbage collector walks the old man home. While at his apartment, the old man shows him one of his films then gives the camera to the garbage collector. The camera turns out to be magical, capable of creating changes in real life by just saying "lights!" "Wardrobe!" "Take 2!" (for a kiss with the waitress). The scene where he says "Set!" and watches his crummy apartment turn into a completely different room, even the walls change themselves into a different color, is wonderful. This was a magical film and the music was so beautiful I wish I could get a copy of the soundtrack.

Bathing and The Single Girl
(Dir. Christine Elise McCarthy) (United States)
(Short film = 10:52 minutes)
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTUy5ogT6Sw)

This film is a monologue of a woman in her forties trying to hook up with younger men and she centers her musings around her attempts to get said young men in the bathtub with her. Ms. McCarthy wrote, performed, and directed this gem of a short. Hilarious with gorgeous cinematography of her glamorously dressed up and delivering her monologue in the tub, in a satiny pink robe, while doing stand up dressed like Betty Page, and just looking fabulous all the way around. Her musings were insightful and so goddamn funny that I couldn't stop laughing. A real pleasure.

***

Overall, it was definitely worth my time to cram as many films into these 15 days as possible though next year I'll completely clear my calendar and try to up my numbers to over 20. There were lots of films I liked just fine but not enough to make it onto this list, and there were about three that I didn't like much at all. With that kind of ratio I'd say I got my money's worth.

Invisible Marks, Whorls and Fleshed Ridges

Along the surface of things my fingers trail, leaving invisible marks, whorls and fleshed ridges. I used to wonder if we didn't have our five senses would things cease to exist? Is it possible that our five senses construct things to see, smell, taste, touch, hear?

Not true with others, that's for sure, but if we were alone we would never feel the things we might bump into. Without others there's no one to tell us what the world is like. The world ceases to exist and we are not around, not in any conventional space or time. Things in the world turn to misty transparencies each time we approach something: a desk, a wall, the ground. We float, suspended with not even the darkness to keep us dancing. In the end, we might turn transparent ourselves, devoid of softly padded boundaries, while the underbelly of the surface world pours through us in a riot of strange visions and clandestine energies.

****

One night while slipping in between a state between waking and sleeping, I found myself in a dark place. It was as if I'd slid under my sheet which blotted out everything. Since this was one of those rare times when I knew I was dreaming I desperately wanted to fly away into the starry, foggy night above the city but I couldn't get myself free. I tried willing myself out of that fabric of darkness but had no luck. There was a tickling in my brain, like the recent tickling I felt when I ate fresh ground black pepper in a splendid salad at a dinner party. I felt like those angels in battle who'd been unfortunate enough to be pinned under the great mountains that were thrown on top of them. I realized I wasn't going to get out of that sheeted dark place and reluctantly woke myself up.

There was no getting back to sleep after that.

***

Every once in a great while strange things happen to me that I can't explain. This has been going on since I was a child. Other than the usual obvious childhood experiences such as the times I saw God, was blessed by Jesus, and saw the shadow of Satan on my wall, other things have occurred. (I've never seen an angel, though. Oh wait, maybe I have...hmm, but I can't be sure so I'll just say I haven't.) I used to be able to choose really great books by walking along the stacks in the library and running my fingers over the spines without looking at them. When I stopped, I would pull out the book and read it. It was always amazing. I was reading all the time and it was becoming cumbersome to find really good books so I started using this method to save time. Curiously, this ability faded once I reached puberty.

One time when I was driving down Highway 101 with my ex, we saw a giant tumbleweed coming towards us on the freeway. Now if you've been on 101 you'd know there's absolutely no reason for a tumbleweed to be anywhere near there, much less a tumbleweed larger than the car. The weed bounced over the car and disappeared behind us. At first, I thought it was just my imagination but my ex mentioned he'd seen it too. I never did figure out what was going on there.

There was also that strange time I was walking to McClure's Beach in Point Reyes National Seashore with the same ex. We were walking down a short path from the parking lot to the beach and when I first saw the ocean I had to stop. Something had changed and I couldn't figure out what it was. My ex inquired as to my reason for stopping but I ignored him. I continued to stare at the crashing surf and a real panic was growing inside me. Something was terribly wrong. I realized the sound of the surf and the actual surf were off by a few moments. As soon as I figured out this sound delay I became incredibly nauseous and almost threw up. I had to look away from water and when I looked at it again everything was fine and I no longer felt sick. This feeling seemed to be tied to the place I was standing in so I spent a few minutes walking back and forth along the path but couldn't recapture that feeling again.

****

It's probably nothing but most of the clocks in my apartment don't work. My clock radio is always off by 15 minutes no matter what I do (replace battery, check the plug). The previous clock was also off by 15 minutes which prompted me to get the current one. Any clock I put in the bathroom always stops working even the clocks designed to stick to your bathroom mirror. The wall clock here in the living room doesn't work. It's always slowing down until it's off by about 20 minutes. It doesn't matter how many times I change the battery. It doesn't matter how many clocks I replace it with (the current clock is the third one I've tried; I even tried an atomic clock once). Once the current clock stopped working completely I just left it on the wall permanently set to 9:46:44. The two watches I use the most work though I've noticed all my other watches seem to have stopped working prematurely. I even took a couple to have the batteries replaced but they wouldn't start up again. The computer, phone, and tablet clocks are working well, thank goodness.

It occurs to me there's a story in here somewhere.

****

I can tell when the bus is going to come and from which direction. The bus can come from two different directions on my corner and I started out by guessing which direction as a way to pass the time. I learned quickly that if I let myself settle and stopped thinking about it, I could feel which direction the bus was coming in and whether it was coming soon, right way, or in a while. Anybody who rides MUNI knows how unpredictable the buses can be so this odd game has proven to be useful. My accuracy rate is better 90% at this point.

I've thought about attempting a similar game with lottery tickets, dice, card games, or roulette but haven't had the time to try it out.

****

Years ago, I had boyfriend where odd things seemed happen more often than usual. There were the times I checked his blog and for a moment I would see the shimmering ghost of a blog post about trains that he wouldn't post until a good two weeks later. Why that post? I'm not sure but he did mention me in it so maybe that was the reason. I'd also sent an email to a different guy before I started seeing this boyfriend where I talked about moats and inferiority complexes. It was a sarcastic reply to a mean email he'd sent me and I'd sent it to the guy before meeting this boyfriend. Later, while checking my boyfriend's blog I found an old post of his where he discusses inferiority complexes and moats in almost the sarcastic same way. There were other things but they're too weird to even post here. Needless to say because of these odd things I was convinced that we were right for each other.

That was a bad call.

(Someone is practicing scales on a tuba in an apartment on my street. It's the first time I've heard it. Seems appropriate for this post and my state of mind today.)

****

During the worst part of my divorce (the first two weeks), very strange things would happen. I kept hearing things falling and dropping in other rooms in the house. I knew these sounds were happening because the dogs would look up too. Sometimes when I went to see what had fallen I wouldn't find anything. Other times I'd find something on the floor that had no business being there. I was in a very bad state, almost suicidal, and not eating or sleeping. I realized after the first few days that I was probably imagining these things falling though the scary thought occurred to me that perhaps I was causing things to fall because of my whacked out state of mind.

I've had two concrete encounters with ghosts though I've never actually seen one. There have been other similar kinds of situations though they've been too vague to explain. All in all, I don't take these odd things very seriously. They don't happen very often (except the bus thing) and are probably explained away by something perfectly rational. Still, I do believe there are things in this world that we just don't understand and so many things are happening below the surface that I can't ignore it.

FailSafe - Expository Interlude (Part 10)

The crowd gets louder and then a pair of demons come rushing through the crowd, throwing souls aside like they're so many rag dolls. They stop in front of Nick who has drawn his sword. One of the demons is very tall and thin. His skin is yellowish and he has pitch black eyes. He nods at Nick's sword. “Put that away, little doggie, there's a good boy.” His voice is silky and beautifully refined. He smiles at Nick, his dark yellow lips spreading wide across his face. His teeth are chiseled and pointed, and he has very long, black hair braided into tiny braids. He doesn't smell as bad as the others. Nick grips his sword and then slowly sheaths it.

“Now, what's the problem?” asks the demon, looking around, “Other than that these two are still alive?” “She has a seven! A SEVEN!” shouts a vaporous soul, a young man when he died. There's a loud murmuring of the crowd. The demon's head snaps back to look at me.

“Is that right,” his voice is all serious. The shorter demon still has said nothing but is staring at me with unnerving focus. The tall demon steps around Nick, looking at me up and down. “How many do you have?” he asks slowly. He is deadly focused on me, his eyes not blinking. I feel an unholy chill, I want to leave.

“Just one,” I say, almost whispering.

“Where did you get it?” asks the tall demon. The short demon glances at the taller one now but the thin one shakes his head without looking at him.

"I found it while I was transitioning,” I say, “I didn't know what it was at first, but I had to pick it up.”

“Of course, you did. What creature wouldn't?” He leans close to me, his silky voice low now, “What do you want for it?” His voice is a soft seduction.

I swallow. “What makes you think I want something?”

He steps back and laughs. “You really want me to believe that you and your little doggie came here not wanting something? Or for some reason? What live soul would come down here otherwise? AND how would they know how to get down here in the first place? No, no. You and the puppy are here for a reason. Am I right?”

I say nothing. Neither does Nick but he still has his hand on the sword handle. The thin demon walks in a circle around us, the crowd widening to give him room. “Are you looking for someone? People who make it down here are usually looking for someone. Or are you looking for someTHING,” he says this last word close to my ear and I jump. His unblinking black eyes are strangely beautiful. He has long, thick lashes. He must have been a real beauty before falling.

“I want,” I stop and then speak on, “I want 2000 dragnets and the location and ability to enter the White Tower.” It's not a good idea to bargain for a Seven but I know it happens all the time. Still, the nature of the object gives you the feeling that you shouldn't.

“DONE!!!” the demon shouts, all smiles now then his smile abruptly vanishes, “To make it truly official I will even give you the pass code to the building.” The demon produces a curved knife with a spectacular jewel encrusted handle but before he can cut himself, I tell him I want the knife too.

“You drive a hard bargain but the answer is yes.” With that he cuts his pinky off to the first joint and hands it to me. It does not bleed blood but a fruity rotten smell fills the air as the flesh closes the wound. He winces and then smiles slowly. I reach into my pocket for a handkerchief and wrap the pinky joint up, slipping it into my pocket then he pulls out a bag and hands it to me. The dragnets jingle inside. I look at them quickly and hand the bag to Nick.

“There might be a couple more than 2000 in there,” he says.

“Thank you,” I say, “You were probably off to a tournament.”

“Indeed and now I'm late but this entire transaction makes it very, very worthwhile,” he says. He gives me the curved knife in its sheath and then leans close and whispers in my ear. He tells me the location of the White Tower and how to get inside then he hands me a small key, all tarnished silver.

“Isn't this your only key?” I ask. I don't know why I'm concerned about that.

“Nah. We lose them all the time, see how small they are? The boss doesn't care anymore. And now, the Seven, miss.” He stands slightly away from me and holds out his hand. The little demon holds his breath as reach into my pocket. Everyone is holding their breath, I realize. I pull the Seven out and then slip it into his palm. The Seven sits shimmering in his palm. I hear a sob from behind me. He closes his hand over it, blinking away a black tear himself. He bows, “Thank you for this transaction. If you need anything my name is Ax.” I nod at him and both Ax and the short demon make their way through the crowd. Nick and I look after them and then we turn to walk towards the middle of the square. No one bothers us.

***

Nick walks in silence for some minutes. I stop at a vendor and buy box dinners for both of us. We find a small table nearby and sit down as the hordes of souls walk back and forth. The box dinner has magnificently prepared steak, fluffy mashed potatoes, and a very rare, huge perfectly steamed artichoke with lemon mayonnaise.

Nick doesn't eat, he only looks at me.

“If you're worried about eating something here and not being able to return back home, don't worry. Things don't work that way.”

“So why is it in a myth?”

“Because Persephone spent six days in bed with the God of the Underworld in ecstasy. She belonged to him after that. That's why they say it's six pomegranate seeds.”

“Hm.”

“Hm yourself. Eat, Nick.” I slice off a piece of steak. It melts in my mouth. Nick's dinner is vegetarian and includes a beautiful assortment of vegetables which makes his dinner even rarer. He is clearly impressed and eating eagerly. When he slows, he puts his fork down and looks at me.

“So Miss Turtle are you going to tell me what a Seven is?”

I sigh, feeling reluctant. “A Seven is a unit of money from Heaven, that neighborhood.”

“Wait a minute! They have money in Heaven?”

“Yes, but the souls there don't need it. The Sevens are issued in Heaven and used here and in other places.”

“What other places?”

"Purgatory. Transitional spaces. Recreational places."

“Huh,” says Nick. He is looking at me like I've lost my mind.

“If you get seven Sevens you can bypass the usual path to Heaven. If you show up at St. Peter's Gate with seven Sevens he will let you in, no questions asked. And it doesn't matter what you look like or whether you're a demon or human or whatever. You still get in and you still get saved.”

“That sounds weird. Capitalistic. I mean, you are saying you can buy your way into Heaven.” Nick picks up his fork and starts eating again.

“That is indeed the case. A total of seven Sevens gives you the grace of God, automatically. All your sins, problems, prior record, all washed away. And that's not all. If you can get 10 Sevens you can exchange them for an ingot which gets you into Heaven and allows you free access.”

“Free access?” Nick picks up his fork again and pokes at some squash.

“Yes. Free access to everywhere. That means you can come and go as you please. Even in Heaven. Very few have free access. Even the archangels, who can go anywhere else, can't come down here. You still have to observe the usual rules, though.”

“What rules?” Nick is looking at me with an enraptured expression. He is fascinated by my bizarre world. He is leaning forward eagerly, holding a forkful of vegetables. I glance around. Souls are walking by us, not stopping, but they are looking at us with frank envy. Some are glaring but none bother us. The strange, dark light of this place gives the impression of being in an eclipse all the time. It feels unnatural.

“The usual rules. In transitional zones, for example, there's a no weapons rule. Of course, in all the major zones there's a no weapons rule, but people used to use their weapons in transitional zones all the time and there were some nasty wars and battles fought there. Most of the rules relate to when you can use and draw your weapons.”

“What about me?” he asks. I frown at him. I hadn't thought about it. Nick has been using his sword throughout this story but there have been none of the usual alarms and restrictions.

“Could it because I'm still alive?” I still say nothing wondering what to do about this discrepancy. It doesn't sit well with me and I don't want to rewrite this story.

“I don't know. It can't be your sword. There's nothing magical about it as far as I know. Let me see it.”

He hands it to me. The sword is relatively light. I hold it in my hands and look at the handle carefully. It's a jian, a double-edged Chinese straight sword, very fine. There are magnificent etchings on the steel blade. I turn it over and my hands stop. There's a gold inset and it's glowing with an unnatural brilliance. I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier.

I don't bother removing the gold inset. I hand the sword back to Nick and lean towards him.

“You have an ingot underneath this gold insert,” I say speaking low. Nick reaches for his sword. “No, don't remove the insert. It will cause a riot here.”

His eyes are glowing. “How do you know?”

“You can tell by the glow, but since your hand is almost always over it and it's facing your body when the sword is sheathed it's difficult to see.” I sit back looking at him. “Who gave you the sword?”

“Your Dead Version,” he says. He has put down his fork and pushed his plate away. I'm about half way finished with my artichoke. I place it on the bread plate in front of us, gesturing for him to take a few leaves. He picks up leaf and slips it into his mouth.

I smile, thinking I should give her a proper name. “Well, she of all people would know when such a thing is warranted. No matter what, Nick, you cannot give up that sword. I'm amazed that the demons at the jail cell missed it. If you have to, abandon the sword and take the thing out. It's a guarantee.”

“I've never seen it glow like that. It usually looks like plain gold to me,” he says as I hand the sword back to him. And even as I'm looking at the sword again it's glowing is gone. I frown, then hold out my hand. He hands it back to me. The glowing starts again. I give it back to him and he puts it back on.

I lean towards him again. “I have 14 Sevens.” His eyes widen. “They are there in case we need them but only in case.”

“So why not just exchange the 10 for one of those things?” he asks.

“Can't. Have to do that at the Pearly Gates in Heaven and I haven't been to Heaven yet. I've only gotten as far as Eden.”

“Oh,” says Nick, frowning at me. He takes off his glasses and wipes his lovely eyes then he runs his hand through his hair, making his hair stand on end. I love that about him.

“This eating/expository interlude has gone on for far too long, Nick. Time to move on.” I get up and shoulder my backpack. He stands up brushing off his pants. We look around the huge square. I look for the nearest landmark Ax told me to find and start walking towards it.

The Job Hunt

I haven't talked a lot about the job hunt, mostly because I'm used to the situation I'm in. This is the third time I've been without a job in three years and I've been determined to enjoy the extra time. I have done that but as I approach my one year anniversary, I'm feeling a bit of panic setting in.

I have been diligently looking for a job but I keep bumping up against the oddities of this weird economy. First off, I believe the industry I work in, the legal industry, has been permanently altered by this economic downturn. I could be wrong but I don't think so. I don't believe companies are willing to pay the exorbitant fees attorneys have been enjoying in the past and this has manifested itself in the form of lower staff salaries. My biggest disadvantage from what I can tell is I've been working in this field for too long. I have a lot of experience and before everything went to shit that meant a higher salary especially if you have an area of specialty like me. Now it appears employers want a lot of experience (because they're staffing leaner and they need people who can do more) but they don't want to pay for it. I'm fairly certain when I do find a job I will have to take a pay cut. My goal is to minimize the cut as much as possible.

Potential employers have the upper hand, of course, but even they seem to be having trouble finding the right fit for their jobs. I don't know why this is so. Maybe they're relying on the computer to review resumes and pull only the ones with the right "search terms" and the people the computer is coming up with aren't good candidates. I could scoff at this method but the fact is employers are getting hundreds of applications for every job posted and sifting through all that is difficult.

The job market out there resembles a bad dating situation. I've been in at least three situations where I went through several interviews and was told they love me, they want to hire me, etc. and then they pull back at the last possible minute. I'm certain the reason for this is because of my stated salary range. I'm willing to take a pay cut, and I'm willing to negotiate but my recent salary history seems to scare people away before we can even get to that point.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in situations where someone has seen my resume, responded very enthusiastically, I've been told they want to schedule me for an interview, and then...nothing. They decide they don't need someone after all or they have enough candidates already or they've just changed their mind about me. Firms and companies seem to be getting flakier and ruder as time goes on. They keep flip-flopping around and then a month or two later I see the same job position being advertised again. I've discussed this phenomenon with my friends and there are a variety of theories:

• They had a position open and wanted to hire for it but the work dried up or something happened with that client. Perhaps a month or two later they finally get the money they need and re-post the position.
  
• They hired the wrong person for the job (probably someone cheaper) and found out how wrong and are back to square one.
• They had no intention of hiring someone from the outside. Instead they want to promote someone from within but their policies state they have to post the position and do some interviews.
• They have no intention of hiring anybody at all. They just want to do a "market survey" to see how things are out there. This is an incredibly cruel and FUCKED UP thing to do.

Not long ago I was in a situation where I was told I was the only candidate who was qualified for the position, that they really liked me (I come across as a warm person in interviews. I'm a nice person anyway but sometimes it's hard for people to convey that during the stress of an interview), but they had to find more qualified candidates for comparison purposes. That was almost two months ago and I've heard nothing. I've given up following up with them and have been expecting a letter saying "thanks, but no thanks" but haven't even gotten that. What a bunch of rude bastards.

Now when someone says they want to interview I say, "Sure, I'd love to" but I half expect them to flake on me. And when someone says they really want to hire me and think I'd be a great fit for them I say "That's great! I'm really interested in working for you too!" but I don't believe for a second that they're serious. I won't believe it until I'm walking in the door on my first day of work, and the even sadder thing is I probably won't believe it until I've been there for at least six months. Maybe I'll never believe it. Job security seems to be a thing of the past.

The right job will come, the right job will come. My friends keep reminding of this truth, thank God, and I have no choice but to keep moving forward but it does get disheartening at times.

FailSafe - The Church (Part 14)

There's a banging sound in front of me, like a knocking against wood. Holding the green stone in front of me, I move slowly. The flickering that caused me to get on this path looks unexpectedly brighter. There's a faint light and as I get closer the mirrored bubble is steadily getting brighter. I see that I'm almost at the end of this particular path and stop for I can see my destination in front of me.

I'm looking out at the small enclosure of a chapel in a large church. The flickering that drew me to this place is a candle flickering at the base of a statute of some saint. I'm trying to figure out where I'm at. Surely, there can't be a mirror in this chapel. I look towards the entrance of the chapel but no one is around. Pulling Nick's sword closer to me, I gingerly push my hand through the cool, smooth glass and touch air. I take one last glance around me and step closer to the scene in front of me. I see that I am in a mirror and there's a statute right in front of me, all white, its back to me. I push through the glass and feel it slip over my skin one last time. Then I step around the statute and onto the altar, hoping it will support my weight. The altar feels sturdy enough. There are convenient “steps” on the altar and I step lightly down them, pulling the sword after me.

When I reach the bottom I pull out a dollar, ball it up, drop it into the donations box, and then I light a candle offering it up to the white statue. I look up at it for the first time and start.

The statute is of an angel, its wings aren't expanded but I can see its feathers. It's wearing armor and carrying a sword. It's eyes are sightless and smooth but the face is beautiful. It has long flowing hair. Ravelle is much more beautiful but this angel is still lovely. It's life size, bigger than me. Given my recent experiences with angels, I bow to it quickly and walk out of the chapel.

The church is utterly silent, just like I remember. That weird silence feels weighty and when I move it feels like the air has some resistance. It feels unnatural. I look around. There's two people, an old man in the front row and a middle aged woman wearing a brown knitted cap. This is good.

Still carrying Nick's sword I walk slowly down one of the side aisles. The noise from my shoes sounds deafening and the two people in the church turn to look at me. I take off my shoes and socks and walk barefoot down the aisle, looking around. The church is dark, candles flickering. I'm feeling comfortable, knowing I'm in the right place. The stone floor feels cold but not uncomfortably so. The church was built in the 14th century French Gothic style with some Norman Romanesque features. This explains why the church has a very large, square, solid feeling to it.

I look slowly around, scanning for anything that might be the sword but I'm seeing nothing but the usual church decorations and idolatry. I keep looking, paying attention to the statutes and sculptures in this place. I'm almost at the front of the church now and I scrutinize the altar area. It would seem to me that this would be the place for the sword to be but there's nothing but the usual opulence. The little old man looks at me with pale blue eyes. He doesn't seem to notice I'm carrying a sword. I walk across the aisle towards where he is sitting. As I get closer, he stands tottering on his cane in the narrow aisle. He shuffles at me.

“Are services going to start?” his voice is breathless and feeble. The small amount of hair on his little head are white long wisps curling about his ears. His blue eyes are rimmed with red but they are large and clear.

“I don't know but it's 4:38,” I say. I look at him closely because he's looking at Nick's sword now. He's wearing a blue windbreaker and has a blue and white checked scarf on. He's frail and think and very stooped but his face is beautifully angular and chiseled.

“Nice one but won't work for the next leg of the trip,” he says, nodding at the sword.

“What?” I blink at him in surprise.

“That's nice, lady, but you're going to need something with more oomph, I said,” he sits down looking off to his left at the long line of stained glass windows. “Services going to start soon. Soon.” His voice trails off.

“Do you, do you know where I can find something with more...ooompph?” I take a barefoot step towards him. He's still looking at the stained glass windows. It's dark here with just the ambient light from all the stained glass windows and candles.

“Lotta angels here. Should find that thing soon. You'll need it, you know,” his voice sounds faint in its feebleness. He's still not looking at me. He seems far away.

“Where is it?” I say, then I hold my breath.

“Too many angels. Tend to crowd everything out and disrupt the services,” he says. His head is drooping a little and he's now facing forward.

“Where's the sword?” I ask this clearly now. My voice is cold water splash. He starts, looking at me directly. The woman in the last aisle with the brown knitted cap seems to sit up straighter.

The old man sits back with a sigh. I wait a moment more then I reluctantly start to walk away.

“Wait,” he says looking at me again with those clear pale eyes. “You came through the right entrance. That's good. There's no blade on it from this side. Shoes on. Give me that thing, lady,” he reaches out his hand.

I don't hesitate. I hand him the sword and then sit on the stone floor of the church, slipping on my socks and my shoes quickly. The old man is muttering but holding the sword like he knows what he's doing. He holds it out in front of him, looking down the line to check the balance. I'm surprised at his strength.

My shoes on I stand up again. I glance up at the ceiling but there's nothing but the soaring dome above us.

“Where's the ingot?” he asks in his breathless voice. He is fingering the place on the handle where it should be.

“I...I gave it to its owner. Who are you?” I take a deep breath and look at him more closely but he's really just a little old bent man. He hands the sword back to me. I thank him.

“Good. Good. Walk to that side, lady.” He says, waving to his left, and he smiles a little, “Hurry, services will start soon.” He nods me towards the long line of stained glass windows.

“Thank you. You should leave now,” I tell him, bowing slightly. He only smiles at me, waving me away.

I walk towards the windows, making noise now but not caring. The woman in the back row seems to have left so I don't worry about bothering her. The silence seems to have thinned out a bit anyway. I can hear faint hum of traffic outside. This is New York city, after all. I walk along the other side aisle, looking around me. There's another chapel and another angel. This angel isn't standing regally, it's lunging forward, the sword in the other hand is just being raised. This angel is bigger than life. Long flowing hair. Wings more open. I look at the sword and see that it's just a stone handle. A handle. No blade.

There's an unexpectedly loud splintering sound then a cracking. Behind me at the back of the church. The sound of stone falling.

I grab the handle but it won't budge. I pull at it and try to break it but the stone is unyielding.

The stone behind me is breaking and falling to the floor.

I can hear the sound of someone landing on the stone floor. The sound is light and beautiful. A perfect landing.

Using Nick's sword I slice through the statute. The stone cuts but doesn't do anything except peel away the stone covering the sword handle. I can see the bronze underneath. I grab the handle and pull hard. The handle doesn't budge but more stone crumbles in my hand. I use the sword to slice around the handle. I hear the whoosh behind me. A fleshy smack on the stone floor.

“You did well back there,” says Ravelle, only a couple feet behind me now. I jump back into the wall. She's holding the little old man's decapitated head by his fine wisps of white hair. She holds the man's head higher. His blood is dripping to the chapel floor, his eyes are open and clear, steady looking. He doesn't look surprised.

“It's your fault, you know. You shouldn't have talked to him,” her green eyes are sparkling like emeralds in the dark candlelight and she smiles. Her teeth are perfect.

“He was waiting for services to start,” I say, tears welling in my eyes. I realize I'm not holding the handle. Bad move. I lunge towards it but Ravelle slams her sword into the statute, shattering it. It crumbles around us, shards of stone flying round us, hitting me, and she grabs the handle. Before I can do anything she knocks Nick's sword out of my hand. I hear the clang as it lands behind us. I'm trapped with no weapon and no time.

Ravelle smiles at me and holds the blade to my throat. I feel a sting and a trickle of blood starts flowing.

“Cut off your head and you're done for. No crawling after your own head for you,” her voice sounds sing-song now. She is magnificent, her armor is shimmering with gold and the encrusted jewels in the candlelight.

There's a movement behind her and then she lurches forward as the blade of Nick's sword plunges through her chest. She's still holding the handle. She glares at me, then her eyes turn amber, and she buzzes at me. I feel a brief wave of nausea.

Nick's blade pulls out of her and her hand and the handle of the sword goes flying across the small chapel, landing on the small altar. I run for the handle. I grab it and it fits my hand perfectly even with its heavy bronze weight. The remaining stone chips fall away.

Nick is standing behind Ravelle still holding his sword. I'm holding the handle. She staggers sideways, slumping on her side. I throw her hand to her. It seems I'm always throwing Ravelle's hand back to her.

“Blasphemy!” she hisses at me. Her face is shimmering like diamonds. I realize she is crying.

“Stay down. Don't move,” I say. She glares at me as I step around her. Nick moves to stand in front of me, but I shake my head. “Behind me,” I say. He does as he's told. We back out of the chapel into the main part of the church. I glance at the little old man's head lying by the chapel entrance, the floor wet with his blood. I feel a pain rising inside me.

We back slowly out into the side aisle. Ravelle has put her hand back on and is following us into the church. She is moving slowly too but she doesn't hold her sword out in front her.

“No, Miss Turtle. No,” she says, her wings opening and extending to their widest width.

“Who are you to tell me no? Who are you? What gives you the RIGHT?” I shout, my voice breaking. I'm gripping the sword handle but nothing is happening. I know something is going to happen, very painful, but necessary. I bear this knowledge easily.

“It's been sanctioned, Miss Turtle. Approved. Unlike your unauthorized goings on,” Ravelle spits at me. She is still moving slowly towards me even as we continue to back away from her.

“Get farther behind me, Nick,” I glance at him, his brown hair is sticking up in places as usual. It's a comfort to see him. He winks at me. I look back towards Ravelle and I hear him back further away from me.

Then it happens. The tolling of bells from outside. The sound is muffled in this place but unmistakable.

Ravelle trembles, eyes wide.

“Services are starting,” I say and I hold out the sword handle. The tolling of the time continues five times. I shift my weight and plant my feet. Ravelle backs away from me too.

The church goes very dark now with only the candlelight when the last bell tolls. The sword handle is humming now and then starts to vibrate. “Get back, Nick! No matter what happens to me stay back! Don't touch me or try to help!” I shout not moving from my spot. I'm standing almost directly center of the main aisle. The vibrating continues, rougher and more pitched. Then the sword handle is shaking. I hold onto for dear life knowing that this moment is the moment to hold on and never let go. The vibrating is so rough now that it feels like my bones and joints are going to break apart. I grip as hard as I can with my right hand. I can see Ravelle slumped up against the nearest church pillar, eyes full of terror but I can only glance at her. All my attention is focused on not letting go. My teeth start to rattle and the sound, a screalling sound, fills the room. Ravelle has to put her hands over her ears now and she curls up in agony, her angelic ears unable to take that sound.

My body still shaking, it happens. I feel an impossible pain in my hand and then a feeling of something sharp slamming up into my right arm. I can't hold onto the sword anymore but I couldn't let go even if I wanted to. I scream from the pain and collapse to the stone floor. The pain goes all the way up into my arm, across my shoulders and down my left arm. It spreads upwards to my head and down to my heart, down, down past my stomach and into my groin and legs. I'm lying on the floor writhing in agony, the pain forcing and shoving its way through my body. It feels like I'm being impaled through the inside. I scream and scream, in so much pain now that I can't see or think anymore. I scream for death, for mercy, for oblivion, but still the pain goes on. The church is breaking apart now. The decorations falling around me but I know I can't pay attention to that now. The pain runs up and down my body in a flash and then is concentrated on my right arm and hand again. My body slumps on the stone floor from the battering, the concentrated pain growing even more in my right hand, blossoming like flowers butchering their way through my flesh.

The church gradually stops shaking, the lights slowly come up, and the pain fades quickly to a dull throbbing. I can breath now. I take some deep, shaky breaths and look up. Ravelle is standing over me, sword out.

“No Ravelle. It's time for you to go home now,” I say to her, not moving. My voice is harsh and raspy from the screaming. My body shivers.

Her cheeks are still sparkling with tears. “I can't go home. Can't. I need the sword. Give it to me.”

“The Boss has given you the Ultimatum, I see,” I look at her sadly. I feel sorry for her now. She's just an angel, doing what she's told.

Her berry colored lips tremble and she nods. I don't take my eyes off her, but I sit up slowly.

“I'm going to cut off your head like I cut off that old man's. It's been sanctioned and approved, Miss Turtle. I have ALL the full permissions!” she shouts, swinging her sword at me.

Without any effort from where I'm sitting, I counter her swing with my newly completed sword and it's unearthly black blade. The blade slices Ravelle's sword like it was nothing. She takes two steps back, dropping her sword, watching in horror as her weapon shimmers and vibrates then disappears. She screams.

“Blasphemy!!!!” And she lunges towards me one last time, her hands out. I slice open her armor and her insides, cutting up through the top of her head. She shudders, green eyes huge, and I pull the blade out of her. She shakes and trembles and then a terrible gurgling scream fills the air as she shimmers. The sound abruptly stops as she disappears into nothing.

Still lying down, I wipe the tears from my eyes. I hadn't realized I was crying. Nick steps into my view and I'm so glad to see him. He holds out his hand. I take hold of it letting him pull me up. My body is very sore but I know this is not the end of it. The Boss will unleash Heaven's fury on me and I still need to find Mr. Gryphon's head.

“Are you all right?” Nick asks.

“Yeah, I know you want to know what happened but I think I need to get back to the infirmary first," I can barely stand.

“Okay. I'll wait as long as it takes,” he says.

“Thanks for coming. I couldn't have done it without you. Really.” I smile at him, my eyes hurt and I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment.

“My pleasure. I'm glad I could be of some help for a change.”

“You're always helpful, Nick. Especially in the real world,” I say, stretching out my hand in front of us. The reassuring blue door appears in front of us.

He smiles and opens the door for us. He puts his arm around me, supporting me as we go through the door. He feels and smells good. I lean my head against him. I feel like I'm going to collapse now. I walk through the door, my sword Mithra dangling from my hand.