I lean forward in my chair, staring intently at the screen. All around me I hear the "click-click" of people fingering their mouses. I survey this small place where I earn my living in my peripheral vision, all that's needed really. Some days I feel like my hair is being blown back from the sheer volume of tiny detail that seeps through every available virtual crack and cranny. Time flies by, in hysterics. The sound of that obscene laughter makes me grit my teeth.
I'm not used to being out in the open but I don't feel like I'm a target. No one's gunning for me in this place. We are all moving forward together, trying to keep up with each other as bits and bytes and court notifications litter the pathway. Sometimes the bosses run and I limp along, hamstrung by my own second guessing. I had no idea I was this good at procedure but apparently I am. You never know what great talents will show up when you're being asked a lot of questions. You teach best what you need to learn so they say.
I really want to be here, with these people.
The struggle to do better, be more organized is a constant. Many people tell me I'm really organized but it's not enough. Systems are needed, old bad habits purged. Slowly but surely I make progress. I'm learning at an exponential rate. The people I work with have no idea. To them it's business and keeping up with the schedule. For me, it's bulking up with new skills and shiny new knowledge.
This is all good. In fact, what tickles me about this place is after 16 years I'd decided that I had learned almost everything I needed to know about my job. Not so. There's always more to learn and another perspective to try out.
The bulk of my job is running after my bosses. They're like tigers with large paws, splendid orange stripes, and overly long tails. They run on, large ears back, tails snapping behind them. I'm hanging on to those whipping tails as we run through the email blizzard.
We'll see if I feel the same way in a couple of months when the blizzard turns to avalanche.