**I also posted this as Note on my FaceBook page**
The late night falls on me in small flakes like chalky chunks of ceiling raining down on my head. It's 2:36 am, people, and technically I'm not insomniac. I can just call it a messed up sleep schedule from having taken a long nap this afternoon.
I needed that nap too. It was a necessary way to scrap off some memories. I dreamed of manga, black and white markings on paper (or black and white scraps of pixels on my computer screen, more likely). I woke trying desperately to remember what that schoolboy was saying to me but nothing's coming up. It could be because he was speaking to me in Japanese.
Spring fever has me by the throat, not surprising with all the resisting I've been doing lately. Revel in it, is the word of advice I've been getting on that score. These cold, sunny days only heighten the mood and the sun comes out, illuminating all the dark places I've been hiding in. I long to wander up that steep hill again, I long to look up at those familiar but remote houses. I'm looking for a sign, a face of recognition, but the elevator's broken again and the dog hates taking the stairs. The days go by, the longing continues. This time I don't want to run away.
If I'm not running away then I don't know what I'm going to do. The sweet sun beckons me, maybe for once I'm supposed to make a move, make all the moves. Haven't I been visualizing myself as a more assertive person? Shouldn't I have been wearing my motorcycle boots every day? Where the hell did my Ray Bans go anyway? Don't I just want to grab a hold of what I really want, once and for all?